


Getting There

by Bezzz



Category: Stranger Things (TV 2016)
Genre: Billy Hargrove Being an Asshole, Billy Hargrove Lives, Billy Hargrove Redemption, Billy Hargrove Tries to Be a Better Person, Enemies to Friends, Good Babysitter Steve Harrington, Good Parent Jim "Chief" Hopper, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Jim "Chief" Hopper Lives, Multi, My First AO3 Post, Nightmares, Parental Jim "Chief" Hopper, Post Season 3, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Protective Parent Jim "Chief" Hopper, Robin Buckley & Steve Harrington Friendship, Steve Harrington Needs a Hug, Steve Harrington-centric, Suicidal Thoughts
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-05-12
Updated: 2020-08-27
Packaged: 2021-03-03 03:00:43
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 12
Words: 29,810
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24147799
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Bezzz/pseuds/Bezzz
Summary: Billy shook his head, using the hand that wasn’t held by Steve to wipe angrily at the tears making their great escape from his eyes. “He’s different, he’s just a-“Steve interrupted, his sincerity for making Billy believe him travelling with the force of his words, shaking the other boys hand for effect.“Billy. YOU are just a kid too. None of this is your fault.”
Relationships: Billy Hargrove/Steve Harrington, Billy Hargrove/Steve Harrington/Jim "Chief" Hopper, Eleven | Jane Hopper & Billy Hargrove, Eleven | Jane Hopper & Jim "Chief" Hopper, Eleven | Jane Hopper & Steve Harrington, Eleven | Jane Hopper/Maxine "Max" Mayfield, Steve Harrington & Jim "Chief" Hopper, Steve Harrington & Steve Harrington's Parents
Comments: 55
Kudos: 197





	1. Was it a dream or is it all in the past?

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first EVER fic!  
> Chapter 1 title lyric: DJO (Joe Keery) Chateau  
> Please let me know what you think of it and if you'd like to see more, I have some ideas!  
> Reviews very welcome, especially regarding my writing style, i'm very nervous!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This fic starts just as Starcourt is over. x

Everything was happening around Steve in slow motion, he didn’t know where anyone was, there were too many lights and something awful banging inside his head. ‘You’re panicking’ Sensible Steve helpfully provided somewhere deep in the back of his mind, his fast breathing offended by being noticed starting to come in longer deeper breaths. He felt like he was 4 inches above the ground until a small hand slipped into his and pulled him back to the ground, the last 10 minutes fast forwarding until he caught up and hit play in the present.  
  
“Okay?” A shaky voice said from beside him.  
  
Steve looked down, his neck clicking round like a cog, shit that was gonna hurt in the morning. El. Always worrying about other people before herself. Since the ‘excitement’ of last Halloween, Steve had spent more time than he would ever admit freely to anyone at the Hopper residence, reading with El, teaching Hop how to cook more than Eggos and box mac and cheese. He had slipped his way gently into their family of 2, without so much as anyone acknowledging him, and the stability and consistency of an adult who cared about him had done wonders for him. And most importantly Steve had a soft spot for the girl squeezing his hand and looking up at him with a face that said ‘worry’.  
  
“Yeah, you?” He asked, gaining a small nod from the girl.  
  
Despite the fact neither of them felt okay, agreeing on the fact they did made Steve’s heart a little lighter. He squeezed her hand back. The rain was lashing now, and Sensible Steve somewhere in the back of his head said that was probably going to be bad for the kids, and for himself, he’d had some significant blows to his head that were making everything ever so slightly blurry round the edges. Across the lot Dr Owens was rounding up the Party and Joyce was wrangling an arguing and teary Max into the back of a minibus. Steve wasn’t on best terms with Billy. Sassy Steve back there providing ‘yeah since he kicked the shit out of you last year’. But the way he’d stepped up to protect El at the last moment in the Food Hall was playing gently on repeat somewhere in his swimming pool mind, and his heart broke another fraction for his inconsolable sister.  
  
El tugged at his hand, pulling them towards where Dr Owens was loading up the rest of his ragtag gang of monster fighting miscreants into the ambulance bus thing.  
  
“Okay, cool, lets all stick together” Steve said absently, as if he was in total control of the situation, but as per usual he was the furthest person from being in charge. El pulled him up into the minivan. Without even knowing he was doing it he did a head count, checking all the Party were present.  
  
“Dustin” He said aloud as a man in military uniform strapped him into a seat to stop him floating away, his hand still grasped in El’s. Dr Owens appeared in his narrowing vision and smiled sadly, “We’ve got him and Lucas’ sister, they’re going to meet us at the hospital.”  
  
Steve nodded, satisfied everyone was accounted for, closing his eyes and counting them all in his head by where he knew they were sitting in the bus around him. Joyce at the back with both her boys drawn to her sides, Robin and Max sat just before them, Max’s tears falling silently into Robin’s shoulder. Lucas and Mike sat across the aisle, both sending nervous glances to the girls every now and then, Nancy was sitting behind him, he could almost feel her eyes in the back of his head, or maybe that was the pain of Russian torture he thought to himself with a stupid smile. That was everyone he thought tiredly before leaning his head back against the headrest.  
  
“Hop” a small voice provided quietly from beside him, forcing Steve to pull his head back up and crack his still opening eye open, “I’m sure he’ll show up. Kiddo. He’s a tough one that Dad of yours”.  
  
El nodded, but Steve could see that she wasn’t sure, “I promise you; you know what he’s like. Gotta be the hero, he’ll come get you once he knows everything here is safe.” Steve nudged El’s elbow with his own and felt better once he saw a nod and small smile pull at one side of her lips. He didn’t know how much El believed his words, but he hoped it was more than he believed them, a gentle weight settling in the pit of his stomach. He pushed the thought away and let his head drop back again, the world around him narrowing to a pinpoint before turning blissfully black.  
  
\---  
Steve has few memories between getting into the minibus and now, everything passing as if it’s running 30 times faster than the speed he was. A doctor shining a light into his eyes, a nurse wiping blood from his face, Joyce’s worried face looking into his own, El’s hand letting go, the ceiling lowering itself onto him until he couldn’t breathe and woke up, Dr Owen waking him for his name, Nancy hovering at the corner of his consciousness, and then nothing.  
  
The next thing Steve remembers fully is waking up on a hospital ward. He pulled his head up and looked around him, totally disoriented for a moment. The lights were low, and nobody was stirring other than Joyce at the window, head together with Jonathan conversing quietly. Once his eyes adjusted to the level, he could work out a few beds lined up beside and opposite his own, each with a little familiar lump or two in them. He pushed himself to sit up, wanting to take another headcount, those kids were going to be the death of him. As he swung his legs to the side to get up a rough hand pushed him back to lay down.  
  
“Easy Harrington.” Came the unmistakable voice of the police chief.  
  
Steve’s brain went through about 12 emotions before it landed on relief, reaching both arms up to grab Hopper’s shoulders and pull himself up using the weight of the man. “Oh thank fuck” He mumbled, ignoring the embarrassment that the tear escaping his eyes could have brought. ‘Hop’s seen worse’ Sensible Steve near the back of his head helpfully provided.

Hop’s brow furrowed gently at that, but he left the question in his eyebrows for later. “You feeling okay kid?” He asked quietly. Steve nodded a yes, letting go of Hop with one hand, and laying down gently again, one had still gently holding Hawkins’ Chief of Police’s sleeve.  
  
“I was just getting used to being half adopted by Hawkins’ big man, can’t fob me off that easily” He joked, the words racing across to Hopper’s ears but the humour dropping off halfway there.  
  
Jim quirked half of his mouth up into what a few people who really knew the man would recognise as a smile, taking Steve’s hand gently off his sleeve and holding onto it between his own.  
  
“Can’t get rid of me that easily, Stevey boy”. Hopper replied quietly, Steve’s eyes dropping shut of no accord of his own.  
  
After a few moments of feeling sleep tugging at him, urging him to hurry up, Steve’s eyes snapped back open and searched the older man’s face until they found his eyes too. “El”. He breathed, “Does she know you’re here?” He asked, his cheeks going pink as worry rose to the top of them.  
  
“Yeah, kid. I spoke to her before you woke up. You’ve been out a good few hours, but I didn’t want to wake you just to say hi.”  
  
Steve let that information sink in, searching the bedside for a clock and when he didn’t find one pushing Hopper’s sleeve up to look at the watch he knew was there, 4:00am. Steve gave that another few moments to filter through the soup settled nicely in his head, working harder than he thought he needed to to work out the memory he’d had prior to the current one he was in, happened at about 8:00pm. Shit he had really been out.  
  
“Where were you?” He asked Hopper quietly, focussing his attention to putting Hopper’s sleeve’s back down before giving the man his hands back, moving his attention back up to meet Hopper’s gaze.  
  
Hopper’s face was saying ‘I don’t want to talk about this’, his words said something similar but slightly different. “Neither of us are in a state to have that conversation right now, but we will talk about it.”  
  
Sensible Steve swam up through the soup to say ‘go the fuck to sleep’, and Steve had to agree, his eyes already closed and the things Hopper had brought to think about floating off to be thought about on another occasion.  
  
“Go to sleep, Steve” Hopper murmured softly, seemingly from 100 miles away. Steve didn’t need to be told twice (even if once was by himself), he dropped off almost instantly.  
  
  



	2. Looking back I see I had the flame in me

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hopper’s voice pulled Steve from the action replay of the last 48 hours playing in his brain, “You did good, kid.” 
> 
> “I really didn’t.” He admitted, voice equally soft but carrying all his worries over for Hopper to feel when the words landed in his ears.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter 2!  
> Title lyric by Christina Perri of all people

“Shut the fuck up!” Hopper shouted over the room, hush falling instantly. Jim’s shoulders dropped, satisfied with the calm the quiet brought over the general chaos that the morning had been.

Steve grinned lightly, pulling El into his side a bit tighter, having watched Dr Owens try to get that silence for a good few minutes, seeing Hop do it with four words had been entertaining. He shared a glance with the kid in his side, their eyes sharing the same feelings about how entertaining they were both finding this whole thing. 

“It’s a good thing Dr Owens managed to sort this room just for you lot, otherwise we’d all have been kicked out hours ago. Just… chill out for a bit while Dr Owens sorts things, then we can get out of here okay?” 

Lots of faces nodded in Hopper’s general direction, the consensus being the less time spend there the better.  
\-----------

The rest of the morning consisted of individual paperwork, all the usual post-monster stuff. Steve couldn’t believe that his life had turned around to such a place that ‘post-monster paperwork’ was completely normal, but hey here they all were. Dr Owens spoke to the whole group about what the cover story was, about what to do next time if any of this happened again, ‘please no please never again’, Steve’s brain argued. He would be quite content with the world’s most boring life moving forward from here. 

By lunch time they were all cleared to leave. “I can’t believe we all got out of that okay!” Lucas exclaimed as they all were about ready to go. Erica gave him a withering look that said ‘what the fuck’ but she didn’t say anything. 

“Yeah we were super lucky.” Mike replied. He’d tried to get close to El to chat, but Steve had noticed that El hadn’t left his side other than to sit huddled with a still upset Max a few times.

Hopper who was about to open the door and take them all out to where their parents should be waiting in the parking lot spun himself around to pin frowns on each of the boys foreheads.

He pointed at El, “Concussion, creepy monster pulled out of leg.”  
Then he pointed at Steve, “Concussion, Russian drugs.”  
He pointed at Robin, who looked terrified at the prospect of Hopper’s finger pointed in her direction, “Russian drugs.”  
A finger pointed to Jonathan “Had the shit beaten out of him.”  
He pointed at Will “Feels cold when there’s a monster nearby.”  
A beat, then he pointed at Max, a moment shared between them that Steve couldn’t read from across the room. “Her brother is in ICU.”

Mike and Lucas had the decency to turn red and drop their gazes. “None of us are okay with this. We should not be OKAY after the last week. Use your brains boys!” He chastised, pinching the bridge of his nose for a moment. Steve had come to learn this meant he was trying really hard to get some feelings articulated into words, whether good or bad. Everyone gave him a moment, some to give him chance to gather those feelings into words, everyone else because they were scared of the volcano Hop could be. 

“If any of you ever want to talk about any of this crap you come to me, or Joyce, or even Steve.” 

\----

“I’m sorry I dragged you into this whole shit show” Steve said to Robin as they hung back while Hopper and Joyce spoke with the Party’s parents. 

“No, it’s fine, honestly.” Robin replied, without the usual sarcasm Steve had gotten used to. 

“How is this fine?” He asked, his brow knitting itself together, “Last week we were scooping ice cream and you were winding me up about my shit game, this week we were tortured by Russians and then fought a massive spider monster thing that was living inside my arch enemies mind”. 

Robin rolled her eyes at ‘arch enemy’ but answered sincerely. “I enjoyed spending time with you, I’ve made friends. As fucked up as this whole mess is, I’m happy with what came out of it.” A gentle blush rose on Robin’s cheeks, but for once Steve noticed she had the confidence to say something serious without covering it with her trademark cynicism. 

Steve nodded along, he couldn’t imagine ever having such a positive attitude to something like this, after his introduction to Demogorgons in the Byers house a few years back, he was adamant for months after that this was actually the worst thing that had EVER happened to him, or would ever happen again. Look where that had landed him. 

He shook it off, his face saying, ‘you’re insane’ but his words saying “Okay” with a laugh Robin shared with him. “Okay whatever. But like Hop said, if you want to talk about this, I’m here. This has the potential to fuck, you, up.” Finger guns punctuated his last words, and Robin just shook her head and smiled.

“That’s why you never get the girl Steve.” She said, taking his finger guns in her hands and leaning up to drop a kiss on his cheek gently before heading off to where her mom was waiting in a car across from them. 

\----- 

“I… I forgot.” El said, swallowing down nervousness as to Hop’s reaction. The three of them stood looking at Hopper’s cabin in the light of day, and Steve couldn’t even begin to understand what had happened here.

“Hey, it’s okay kid.” He said, pulling El into his side and rubbing her arm with the hand wrapped around her.

“It was here, and it grabbed me, Lucas used an axe.” She murmured, eyes seeing everything that had happened in front of her. Steve wanted to do something, these two had done so much for him, that he desperately wanted to make this okay for them. 

“You can come stay at mine?” He suggested quietly from a step or so behind Hopper and El. The chief turned his head to look at him, just watching him for a moment before nodding.

“Yeah, okay. Okay, yeah.” Something in Steve disregarded all seriousness of the day and the house before them and instead of thinking something deep and profound came up with ‘he just said two words one way, and then the same words backwards’, Steve shook his head to shake off the stupidity before offering a smile. 

“Shall we go see what the damage is, pick up some stuff and then get off.” He said, in the hopes of getting El moving, her eyes still not detached from the house. 

After coming to the conclusion that the house was not going to be a quick fix they packed everything Hopper and El would want in the next week or so and piled into the truck to drive to Steve’s. Steve looked straight ahead out of the windscreen as Hop drove, El falling asleep almost as soon as they’d set off, exhaustion still clear in the way she melted into the seat. 

Hopper’s voice pulled Steve from the action replay of the last 48 hours playing in his brain, “You did good, kid.” 

“I really didn’t.” He admitted, voice equally soft but carrying all his worries over for Hopper to feel when the words landed in his ears. 

“You kept them all alive. Dustin told me about what happened down there, you did good.” Hopper sent a glace sideways across to Steve to make sure his words had landed, but Steve was looking back out the front windscreen again, gaze trapped somewhere in the middle distance. It was a few minutes before he spoke, giving some sort of answer to Hop’s praise.

“What if,” He swallowed, trying to swallow down the crack in his voice too, “What if they come find Dustin, I gave them his name. I cracked, I told them everything.” He dropped his head into his hands, doubt in his mind as to Hopper’s honesty, he was surely just meaning to make him feel better. And he only wanted to stay at his place because his cabin was destroyed and Steve had a whole house that was clean and warm and nice.  
“Steve. It will be fine. You’re fine. I’m proud of you, okay?” Hop reach over and squeezed Steve’s shoulder once. “You’re good.”

Steve pushed a groan out of his mouth into his hands, why were things so much more difficult these days he wondered to himself, surely having all these people around him with shared experience and who say they enjoy spending time with him was supposed to make him feel better. But he often found himself slipping back into his old defensive self. ‘Not today’ a voice somewhere told him, and he pulled his head back up to glance at Hopper.

“Thanks Hop”.  
\----- 

As Steve pulled the door to the spare room closed so Hop could get El settled down to get some proper sleep he heard the small voice for the first time since they’d arrived and stopped, knowing he shouldn’t eavesdrop but wanting to check she was okay.

“Hop?” El asked, making Hopper stop fussing with the pillows around her. 

“Yeah kiddo, what’s up?” He replied, in a voice Steve had long learnt was reserved for making his girl feel better, so soft and low that it touched Steve in the same way it probably did El, even thought it wasn’t aimed his way. 

There were a few moments of quiet, Steve leaning closer to the door to hear better. “Steve said you were my Dad.” She stated simply. Steve closed his eyes, had he really managed to put his foot in that, and it had obviously stuck with El for her to want to raise it right now while still completely drained from all the monster fighting, Sassy Steve jumped in ‘Not even your family and you’re fucking shit up, nice one’. Steve pressed a hand to his forehead, praying to whatever higher being Hopper’s answer would be good.

“Well…” He paused; Steve could almost see the face the chief was making to find the right words for her. “I am your Dad now, do you want to call me that?” 

“Yes.” Came the oh so familiar one word answer.

“Then do it. I would love that.” The weight settled on his shoulders was lifted instantly and Steve felt like he might fall down the stairs if he wasn’t careful with his newfound weightlessness. Well that went far better than he’d imagined it could have gone in his head.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks again all for your support with Chapter 1!  
> As this is my first fic I still have the fear in me, but your lovely comments and kudos spur me on!  
> I've got this story vaguely planned, but it's moving veeeeeeerry slow. I've already written about 5 chapters, so this will continue to update weekly or bi-weekly for the forseeable.  
> As usual, any comments and constructive criticism welcome!


	3. To appreciate the endless repetition of your mind

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The only part that didn’t make sense to Steve was the part he chose to verbalise. “Who’s Mr Chekov?”
> 
> Hopper pinched the bridge of his nose to hide his smile, “You telling me you’ve never seen Star Trek?” He asked.
> 
> “Do I look like a 14 year old nerd?” He asked.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Title lyric: Tom Milsom

“She’s out, was pretty much asleep before she even hit the pillow.” Hop said as he came back into the kitchen where Steve was mooching around making two mugs of fancy coffee that his dad usually drank.

Steve slid a mug across to Hopper who’d plopped himself heavily into a bar stool at the counter. When Steve properly looked at the man he realised that he looked like he’d been awake for 2 weeks and then had a fight with Jackie Chan.   
“You look like shit, mate.” He commented, taking the stool opposite the older man. 

“Oh gee, that’s really great of you to say Steve, thanks.” Hop deadpanned in return, pushing the handle of his mug around so he could pick it up in his right hand to take a sip. 

Steve still had the question he’d asked Hop at 4 that morning unanswered in the front of his head, and he tentatively went about asking it again. 

“I thought you were dead.” ‘Nice Steve, real chill. He’s gonna think you’re more mental than he already does’ his brain provided whilst his eyes steadily watched Hop’s face.

“So did I.” Jim replied so quietly Steve wouldn’t have believed he’d heard it unless he’d seen the man’s mouth make the words and send them out to the world.

Steve felt a sensation like his only brain cell was doing a lap of his brain to check that everyone else had heard. He watched Hop drink his coffee, trying to work out all the different varieties of what that answer could possibly mean. Instead of some nuanced poetic reflection on death that he assumed Jonathan would probably have come out with, his mouth helpfully filled in the blanks,

“What the fuck happened?” He asked, somewhat confused, but Steve also felt the force in his own words as they left his mouth. 

Hopper’s left eyebrow quirked up briefly before going back to rest just above his eye, taking his time with pulling together and providing an answer. Steve couldn’t stand the silence, feeling like he’d insulted the Chief, so threw himself into clown mode to fill the air between them. 

“I thought I would have to become a Dad, I’m not old enough to look after El. She looks after me most of the time anyway. I can’t be a Dad, I work at an ice cream shop. I don’t-“

“Steve” Hopper interrupted, whatever nonsense was going to continue falling out of Steve’s mouth evaporated in an instance, he swallowed the taste of it. “I’m sorry I worried you so much. But I’m okay.”

Steve nodded, his red nose falling off his mental self-image, raising his gaze to match the one gently boring a hole into his forehead.

“I don’t really know what happened, or where I was, I just know that I was right way up, then I was upside down and then an hour had passed and I was being picked up by our military. I feel fucking insane!” Hopper explained, and from how close his eyebrows were getting to his eyes, Steve didn’t believe that Hopper was convinced he’d given a full explanation. Steve this time sat with the silence, allowing Hopper to get his thoughts lined up so they’d come out in a meaningful order.

“Joyce was going to turn the keys that would have exploded the Russian gate machine. I was in the room fighting Russian Terminator, and I was gonna go with the machine. But then I was in the upside down, and I passed out. I don’t remember anything until I was roughed awake on the machine room floor by our army who thought I was Mr Chekov.” 

Steve let all that filter through the still somewhat soupy inside of his skull. Nodding along as if he thought that being in a different world or unconscious and then woken at random times by strangers was a normal everyday occurrence. The only part that didn’t make sense to Steve was the part he chose to verbalise. “Who’s Mr Chekov?”

Hopper pinched the bridge of his nose to hide his smile, “You telling me you’ve never seen Star Trek?” He asked.

“Do I look like a 14 year old nerd?” He asked with a roll of the one eye that wasn’t swollen. 

Hopper just shook his head and reached across the table to push Steve’s head affectionately away. 

\-------------  
Steve slept through the night, if he wasn’t counting the two times he was woken with the knowledge he was going to puke on himself if he didn’t make it to the bathroom in 10 seconds. Each time he ran down the hall he prayed he woke neither El in the spare room next to his, or Hopper in the guest room next to the bathroom where he’d unceremoniously emptied his guts into the toilet. At 7 the next morning when that feeling came back to him, he groaned with the effort of having to haul himself up and pad down the hall to the glowing basin of the bog. Once whatever his stomach could provide as tribute to the awaiting bowl was sacrificed, he flushed, washed his hands and face gently, and made to go back to bed for another hour or so before committing to being awake for the rest of the day.

When he opened the door to Hopper standing there, he nearly shat himself, “Fuck!…ing hell Hopper. No need for that.” He mumbled, arms crossing his chest to grab at the tee on his shoulders as if the scare had caused him physical pain.

Hop raised an eyebrow, “Good morning.” He grumbled, looking like he would prefer to be literally anywhere on the planet but on the threshold of the Harrington bathroom with a pukey teenager. 

“You need to go back to bed, and then I need to make sure you don’t need to go back to hospital.”

“I don’t.” Steve replied quickly, “I’m sure it’s just the leftovers of what the Russians injected into me, I threw most of it up in the cinema restrooms, but this could be the rest?” He said, letting himself be led back to his bedroom by Hopper’s presence behind him along the hall, he cursed the question he heard in his own tone, knowing any hesitation was picked up on by Hopper.   
Steve flopped face first into the covers of his bed, making no effort to move. “This is weird.” He told the pillows, ignoring the pressure of his battered eye telling him to sit the fuck up.

“Which part exactly?” Hop asked behind him, his tone reading irritation. 

“Having someone take care of me like this.” He replied absently before flipping over so fast he twisted his shoulder. He looked up to Hop with wide eyes and his mouth gently hanging open.   
“I... I meant, that’s not- If you want to shine a bright light in my eye you can’t.” He finished lamely, flopping back down on the bed, backwards this time and screwing his eyes shut. 

Hop for his part, didn’t acknowledge Steve’s former comment, instead rooting through Steve’s desk drawer and pulling out a hand sized flashlight. He turned it on and shined it at Steve’s face who even with his eyes closed could see the light. “Come on, Hop. I’m fine.”

“If you’re fine you won’t mind me checking your concussion, throwing up’s not a great sign, and you’ve done that 3 times in the last 7 hours.” He gently moved Steve’s head to the side and reluctantly Steve opened his eyes to look up at Hop rather than into the small sun he was holding.

He didn’t have a smart answer for that, he knew Hop was right, and he also knew the man wouldn’t rest until he was absolutely sure that he was fine. That was something Steve had come to learn in the past year, however little Hopper pretended to be annoyed by or hate the kids, he was always their first advocate, or there to make sure they were okay. Steve respected that, it was more fatherly than Steve had ever seen anyone be, the complete opposite from how he understood his own father to be. And he was actually John Harrington’s kid, all the little rugrats didn’t even belong to Hopper.

After being prodded and poked by the Chief, Steve was finally allowed to go back to sleep, his brain already half way there, just waiting for his body to catch up and let him sleep fully. Before the slumber pulled him under he reached for Hops arm, grabbing it lightly. “Thanks Hop, I’m glad you’re okay.” He said, eyes closed and brain off before dropping back to a deep sleep. 

Hopper watched him sleep for a few minutes before pulling the covers up to his chin and leaving quietly, leaving the door open a crack before stepping in to check on his other child. El was still asleep, it was beginning to get alarming, she’d slept 12 hours the night before, and now was on another 10. But he put it down to the drain on her powers and let her sleep as long as she needed it. Now he was up there was no chance of getting back to sleep, so he took himself off for a shower before heading down to the kitchen to attempt to make breakfast.

\----- 

Steve was woken seemingly only moments later by the telephone downstairs ringing, the sun hitting his eyes as he sat up to process what that sound meant proving it had been closer to hours. The phone was ringing, so what, go back to sleep. No the phone is ringing and Hopper and El are staying, what if Hopper answers it. What if it’s his parents calling. 

Steve was flying down the stairs without consideration for even the mere concept of pants. “HOP I’LL GET IT!” He shouted, skidding to a halt in front of the man who had the receiver held to his ear.

“Yes, Hawkin’s Chief of Police, that’s right.” He said down the line, eyes rolling so far in his head Steve was worried they were never going to roll back round again. 

Steve repeatedly drew his hand across his neck in a panicked ‘stop’ sign, but Hopper took no notice to the frenzied eyes of the young pantless man before him. A million worst case scenarios running through Steve’s head as to how this was going to end, each one worse than the other. 

“Yes I understand that Mr Harrington.” Hopper said, finally turning his gaze around to Steve. “No your son has done nothing wrong….no… yes I am… yes he’s here…” Steve watched with resignation as Hopper continued to hold a seemingly polite conversation with his father, running a hand through his disgusting and questionably sticky hair as he stood there.  
Hop motioned with his head to Steve’s bare legs, with a sly smirk, causing Steve even more stress than he was already standing there with, he spun around to head upstairs to put some pants on, letting out an exclamation of “Oh my god, oh. My. GOD!”

When he got back downstairs Hopper pushed a bacon sandwich over in his direction. “You should have let me answer that.” He grumbled, taking a bite of the sandwich and then standing back up to make himself a coffee. “What excuse did you make for you being here answering their phone?” He asked with his attention to the coffee and his back to Hopper.

“I told them my truck broke down on your street and you were outside jumpstarting it for me.” Hopper offered, mouth full of his own breakfast. 

“Excellent, wonderfully believable. Should have told them a giant monster trashed your cabin and you were staying here, they might have actually believed that.” Steve could hear his own voice, but he wasn’t fully aware that his own brain was the one making the words float through the air, they sounded clipped and mean, and all he was feeling was stressed and panicked and he didn’t know the connection there. 

Hopper frowned at that response, not at all even close to the realm of his expectations. “Hey, what’s going on?” he asked, tone raising slightly to almost match Steve’s, he’d expected Steve to take the news that he’d saved him a conversation with his parents a little better. He leaned back in his chair to grab Steve on the shoulder to turn him around, “Steve look at me.”

“Get off!” Steve shouted, spinning to face the other man with wild eyes, catching his arm as he went and pushing it back towards the Chief, his body reacting ahead of his brain. When his brain caught up to what he’d just done Sensible Steve popped up to provide some thrilling commentary ‘nice one Steve, he’s gonna love that, push him away for trying to help, smart.’ Steve could almost feel that half of himself eye rolling internally. 

Hopper raised his hands and leaned back fully into his chair, giving Steve as much space as he could, “Woah, okay kid. I’m sorry.” 

Steve pulled himself together with a shake of his head, landing in the seat opposite Hopper, a small smile carefully manufactured on his face as he ate his sandwich, the only sign of his minor freak out was his hands shaking as he lifted breakfast to his mouth. “No, I’m.. I’m sorry.” He murmured, not lifting his eyes up to meet the other man. 

Hopper inclined his head at the apology, half to show he accepted it, half to show he didn’t expect it. Steve knew Hopper too well he thought to himself if he was able to work out exactly what the man meant just by the movement of his head. “Look, I didn’t mean to spook you, I didn’t think.”

“Didn’t think about what?” Steve asked, his tone from earlier totally dissipated, only genuine curiosity in his voice now. He chanced a glance to meet the man’s eyes, seeing if he could work out how Hopper could stay calm with such obvious disrespect throw his direction. 

“You’ve been tortured and drugged in a secret Russian base underneath your icecream shop, you’ve not been home for 2 nearly 3 days, it’s gonna catch up to you at some point.” Hopper explained as if it was the most normal thing in the world. 

Steve let that sink in, when put so frankly he guessed it made sense, somewhat amazed that Hopper could read how he might be feeling even without Steve knowing that was what he was feeling himself. He nodded in agreement, silently thanking the other man for understanding, his brain drifting to what his own father’s response would have been to the same situation. They continued breakfast in companionable silence, Steve glancing at Hopper every now and then, just checking he was there and hadn’t decided to get mad, which he never did. As he got up to put the dishes in the sink he stopped and ruffled Hopper’s hair.

“I immediately regret doing that.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you enjoyed this!   
> I really didn't go into tooo much detail of how Hopper was still present after Starcourt, but I hope this is enough  
> I've written a few chapters ahead, a bit of Steve and Billy to come!
> 
> As usual, please review if you feel inclined to, it's so helpful to me.  
> If there's anything particular you'd want to see, let me know!


	4. The Master of Disaster, the Best at Fearing the Worst

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> All the delicacy of his one-word reply was channelled towards the girl, yet Steve still found himself on the receiving end of Hargrove’s middle finger.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Title Lyric: Tom Rosenthal, If we all die tomorrow (my lockdown anthem)
> 
> Bit of Billy here!  
> Enjoy!

The next few days passed easily, Steve and El spending time helping Hopper put the cabin straight, meals round the Byers in the evening. Joyce insisted they go because they need to eat right, but Steve also knew she was his prime competition for mother of the year and she wanted to check up on everyone. They went along each night, happy for the company and to let the kids run riot nearby. Steve attempted awkward small talk with Nancy and Jonathan sometimes, but more often he would run off to god knows where in the woods to hang out with the younger teens. 

Steve increasingly noticed his senses were more alert than they’d ever been, and he especially jumped at any physical contact. Sensible Steve would always helpfully provide some commentary or other when he noticed himself in that state ‘you know maybe Hopper was right, this has got to you.’ But he would always push it away and slap his trademark smile on and carry on with whatever he was doing, hiding the thoughts away to be dealt with another time, or as he hoped, never. 

“I want to go see Billy.” El announced to him as they watched the boys fight with stick swords, arguing about the rules when someone actually hit someone else. Steve really didn’t know what El and Max found attractive in these boys, but they were kids, he suspected he’d never know again now he was an adult. Adult. Good god. ‘Say something Steve’, Sensible Steve provided, blinking him back to reality.

“Ohhh, okay.” He said hesitantly. This girl came out with the most unsuspecting things quite often, but this threw him a bit. “We should ask Hopper about that, but I can take you if he doesn’t want to?” He offered, someone at the back of his head screaming ‘WHAAAT NO? No we won’t, what the fuck Steve?’  
“I think he could be a nice person.” El said, throwing Steve’s brain into even further turmoil, alarm claxons sounding now and a repetitive ‘no no no no no’ underlining any other thoughts he might be having. 

Steve looked at El, this kid knew stuff about people, and he was inclined to trust her. But he was also inclined to believe that Hargrove was a grade A asshole who would never know nice if it hit him in the face. “I think we need to be careful, he’s hurt a lot of people El.” 

“So have I.” She replied quietly, searching in Steve’s eyes for something, making him feel a little self conscious. He closed them and let a sigh out, wondering if to any of the other little brats he would be this malleable, Sassy Steve chimed in ‘yes you would’. 

“Right, okay, I get what you’re saying, but I’m not sure you’re right. We can ask Hopper when we get home.” He ruffled her hair and jumped up, “Come on, race you back!”

\----------

“No, absolutely not.” Hopper said, standing up in the hopes that his height over the two of them would push his point home further.  
Steve had seen that answer coming, but apparently El had thought that Hopper would have graciously accepted her request and let her go see the young man who had beaten Steve to a pulp only a year prior and then spent months as part of a monster hive mind. 

El frowned so deeply that Steve was worried it would hurt her brow, furrowed so deeply it might create a permanent crevasse. “Dad please.” She almost begged, not at all intimidated by his height over her and knowing exactly how pliable Hopper still was when called ‘Dad’. 

Hopper pinched the bridge of his nose, flopping himself back into the armchair usually reserved for Steve’s father. “I can’t reasonably let you go visit this man, he’s dangerous.” He commented absently, his demeanour showing he knew he wasn’t going to win this.  
“Hop I’ll go with her, look after her.” Steve chipped in, hoping to help sway him more fully.

Half of Hopper’s mouth flicked up in a ghost of a smirk. “No offence Harrington, but what are you gonna do if he decides he still wants to kill my daughter.” 

Ouch, but he had a point. “Alright!” He exclaimed, arms flying out in a wide gesture, “Then she’ll go with me, she’ll look after me.” He replied, knowing that’s not what Hop wanted or expected as an answer, his sensible mind catching up and adding. “And to be fair Hop, he’s in hospital. What’s he going to do?” 

“He’s like me.” El added softly, Steve had no idea where she’d learned such good puppy dog eyes, but he was impressed with their power, she was working away at her Dad like a master mason his stone.

Hopper sat quietly, looking from El to Steve to El to Steve, trying to work out at what point in his life he’d ended up with two monster fighting children who now wanted to go visit one of the ex-monsters in his hospital bed. “Fine.” He grumbled, “But I want a phone call when you’re leaving the hospital, so I know when to expect you.” 

A huge grin spread across the girl’s face, turning from serious to happy in a fraction of a second. This meant Steve actually had to go see Billy though, and not just wait outside. He’d be damned if he left that girl in a room with him and something happened, or Hopper found out he’d left her alone. Both situations ended in a similar result for him. Ah Shit. 

\----- 

“Steve.” El urged, pulling at the back of his shirt causing him to turn and look down at her. They’d been stood at the door probably for a whole two minutes, Steve having every intention of going in ‘right now’, and then not. He didn’t know why he was so anxious about the prospect of being in a room with Hargrove, it wasn’t like he was in any position to be snarky with him, and he didn’t know if he’d dare start with El after what he’d seen while part mind flayer. Yet still Steve was nervous to open the door and go in. After another moment of looking down at El, the door opened itself and Steve wiped the blood from under Eleven’s nose, giving her a look that was as dangerous as he could make, which he imagined to her was not that intimidating at all.

Well he had to go in now didn’t he. Damn damn damn, okay. Steve sucked in a breath and stepped inside the room, waiting for El to step in behind him before pulling the door closed behind them both.  
Billy was sat half up in bed with a book loosely in one hand. His gaze stayed with it, probably until he’d finished the line he was on. In his own time, which felt like about 20 minutes to Steve, Billy laid the book on his bedside and turned his scrutiny to his visitors, a darkness passing over his expression for a moment, still not saying anything to either of them. 

El moved from Steve’s side to step right up to Billy’s bedside, staring right back, as if she was trying to creep him as much as Billy was managing to creep Steve out. But Steve knew her too well to know that she would be malicious in a time like this, he knew she was actually just curious and no doubt thinking about all the ways she might be able to help in this situation. 

“El.” Steve breathed carefully, uncomfortable with her being so close to Billy and so far from his own side. Billy moved his gaze from where it had been locked with El’s up to Steve. Steve read sadness there, but couldn’t work out why or how that was, or if Billy could even feel sad.

“Come to gloat Harrington? Did her keeper send you to check up on me?” He asked, not wholly with the usual nasty tone that Steve was used to hearing from him, but instead laced with something that Steve was hearing as defensiveness. He already had so much to think about, and he’d only been here about 2 minutes.

El was still watching Billy as he spoke to Steve, and when Steve didn’t offer an answer to the teen in the bed, El filled the space with her own question. “Are you still scared?” She asked, making Sensible Steve somewhere down there have about 40 heart attacks. Steve just scoffed a laugh, impressed that his little friend had some significant gall to ask that of Billy Hargrove.

Billy didn’t turn his frowning gaze from Steve, it hardened and made Steve even more uncomfortable than he had ever remembered being in his life, his smirk dropping off his face instantly. It was like being beaten up from the inside out, like Billy was boring through his brain slowly with his lazer eyes. Billy kept that gaze for a moment before blinking his attention round to El who had a hand settled on the bedsheet, right on the edge barely there, but Steve knew it was there, and he knew Billy knew it was there. “Yeah.” He finally answered her question, his voice devoid of any malice or snipe, unlike how Steve had ever heard the other boy speak before. All the delicacy of his one-word reply was channelled towards the girl, yet Steve still found himself on the receiving end of Hargrove’s middle finger.

There was a conference about to take place in Steve’s brain as he tried to align all his previous assumptions and images of Billy Hargrove in his mind. It felt like trying to make the pieces of 3 jigsaws all fit the same picture, something was going to have to give, but he didn’t quite know what yet, Hargrove WAS an ass, but he was ALSO speaking gently to Eleven, right before his eyes. If therapy was ever going to be an option for Steve, he felt like this internal struggle to work out his arch rival was going to take priority over the monster fighting and shit upbringing. Steve knew if Billy looked back to him he would be an open book, so took a page from the other boy and plastered a mask over the top of his real emotions to see where El would take things from here. Steve felt like one wrong word, or even one right one taken the wrong way would end in disaster, he prayed El didn’t push too hard.

“Scared of the monster? Or scared of your papa?” El followed up.

Well fuck, shit shit shit. Everything in Steve’s being was telling him to make a lame excuse, scoop the girl up and run. This was no way going to be good, how would Billy ever take that well. Fuckity fuck fuck fuck. “El that’s quite a personal question, I don’t-“ 

And for all the other boy was worth, he pushed his anger aside or down rather than out at El, Steve could practically see it happen before Hargrove interrupted him. “Steve, will all due respect, and you are due SO little,” He punctuated the ‘so’ with tight look on his face “But she ain’t talking to you.” 

Steve, not in the mood to be ripped to shreds by an ex-interdimensional slave, physically or verbally, thought about that for a moment. He gestured widely, ran a hand over his face and then slumped defeated into the chair in the corner of the room, waving his hand between the two of them as if to say ‘no by all means, carry on. Don’t let me interrupt you.’ 

Billy looked as if the interruption had taken all his confidence to answer El’s question, so he put another attitude on, turning his attention back to the girl. “What?” He snapped, causing El to jump slightly, but she held her ground, asking the same question but slightly differently. 

“I’m scared of my Papa.” She said, Steve again having about 20 heart attacks, a million options going round his head, she wasn’t scared of Hopper, he was scared of her sometimes, was she scared he’d take her back? Was she scared of something he did? Steve had just worked himself up into having a panic before she carried on, speaking exclusively to Billy, as if Steve in the corner wasn’t about to go confront the Chief of Police. “The man who had me before my now Dad, he hurt me.” She said, eyes not moving from Billy.

Steve’s eyes hopped between the two in front of him, unsure in what world this was normal, desperately wishing to be a 15 year old in school again, king of the whole goddamn world. Danger crossed Billy’s features, his eyes darting to Steve as if to gauge whether the other boy was having fun at his discomfort. He obviously found something else because he turned back to El and nodded non-committally. 

“We are the same.” She said.

That seemed to be enough for Billy, his delicate temper seemingly held in his left temple and his right hand which was clenched so hard Steve thought the bones were going to come out. “Leave.” He ground out, and Steve didn’t need to be told twice, jumping up and grabbing El’s hand. 

As the two were basically out of the door, Steve was pulled back by his name, said so quietly he wasn’t 100% sure he’d heard it. He turned to look back around at Billy and saw a completely different version of the boy again, head down, shoulders slumped, completely defeated. A million options ran round his head on an out of control lazy brain susan before he decided to give him a break, he’d just been possessed after all. 

“El, will you wait for me, right outside the door.” He asked, the girl nodding gently and closing Steve into the room. Steve stood awkwardly at the end of the bed, waiting to see if he had in fact imagined that Billy had spoken to him.

“I-“ The boy in the bed started, okay so apparently he did want to say something, Steve decided best course of action would be let him do that without being interrupted, for fear of being snapped at again. 

“Other than Maxine, nobody has come here.” He stated, Steve just stared before opening his mouth to say something but didn’t get the chance. “Will you bring her again?” He asked, lifting his head for the first time to meet Steve’s gaze, a composition so complex painted in his eyes that Steve didn’t have a chance in hell in reading how Billy felt. He only knew that he felt sorry for the other boy. 

“Yeah.” He cleared his throat to try cough some courage up. “Yeah I can do that.” He replied, a small frown buckling his brow, almost in question. His answer came as Billy’s own face turned back to the one Steve knew so well, the anger, hate, condescension, yeah this was strangely something he felt more comfortable with. 

“Right, fuck off then.” He snapped, nodding sharply to the door.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you enjoyed chapter 4!  
> As always, your feedback is welcomed, especially surrounding characterisation and writing style, this is still my first ever fic!  
> Also I'm english, so if you notice anything that should be Americanised, let me know. I guess that should be AmericaniZed! ;)
> 
> I'm enjoying writing it, but I'm unsure if I've nailed Billy's character yet!  
> Look after yourselves. xx


	5. There’s Nowhere Unless You’re There

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> There was a pause before Lucas’ voice came crackling into the room. “I thought Steve was driving, did you not ask him?” 
> 
> Dustin came back quicky. “Yeah I did.” 
> 
> Max’s snarky tone now, “When? Just now?”
> 
> “Um, yeah.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Title lyric: Bryan Adams, Everything I do, I do it for you
> 
> Hello team, hope you're all well!  
> Enjoy chapter 5!

In the following week things slowly went back to normal. Ha. Normal. Steve wasn’t sure that word actually had a meaning in his life anymore. But things went back to how they were before they were most certainly and dramatically abnormal. El and Hopper moved home, his parents came back from god-knows where, he carried on ferrying Dustin and the other shitheads around at a moments notice, he got a job with Robin renting videos, he still couldn’t flirt with a girl, even though his hair was allowed to be out there. Yeah this was normal.  
His dad didn’t think so. Steve wasn’t used to his parents being around for such a long period, like 2 whole weeks with them was probably longer than he’d seen them in about 8 years. Fuck that. Fuck them. Steve was often reminded by how much of a waste of fresh air he was by his father, how working in a store in your hometown was not normal, how barely graduating from high school was not normal, how exclusively being friends with a bunch of kids wasn’t normal. This all ran around and around in Steve’s head most of the time, along with the threat that Steve needed to seriously reconsider his life and his job prospects or risk being kicked out. But for Steve, this all felt like normal to him, his father forcefully reminding him he was a freaky weirdo WAS in fact normal.  


The only thing still wildly out of the ordinary kept making itself known to Steve multiple times a day. Fucking Billy Hargrove. Not like that. Not fucking Billy Hargrove. But the one time he’d taken El to the hospital to visit the whole event had been so far out of his realm of expectation that he felt like he needed to completely revaluate his entire understanding of Hargrove. He spent more time than he’d like to admit trying to work out why and how he was like he was, but also how he could be the complete opposite of that. He was the prick that had nearly killed him a year ago, but also the guy that would tell a 14-year-old that he was scared while in a hospital bed with the biggest rival of his school career sitting nearby. Steve found it easier to scratch that all from his understanding though, and just see him for the complete dickhead he was. He’d relinquished responsibility for taking El to go see him, letting Hopper do that a couple times a week instead, not trusting himself to challenge his mindset concerning Hargrove. He had enough of his own shit to straighten out first.  
\---

“Harrington come in.” Dustin’s voice bounced around his room. “Come in Harrington, this is Dustin. Come. In.” Steve pulled his eyes open to look at the alarm clock, swearing one day he’d go on a rampage to kill those kids one by one. 

“It is 7 o fucking clock Henderson. What could you possible want with me?” 

“Hopper said we could go pick El up and then go to the lake today, you coming?” 

Steve laid himself back into bed, the radio balanced on his chest. Why was it he never had any advance warning of anything these kids were planning until hours before they happened? He had so many questions.

“Is Hopper driving? Which lake? Why are you only just telling me now? Why do you need to ask me this at 7am on my day off? Who is ‘we’?” 

There was a pause before Lucas’ voice came crackling into the room. “I thought Steve was driving, did you not ask him?” 

Dustin came back quicky. “Yeah I did.” 

Max’s snarky tone now, “When? Just now?”

“Um, yeah.”

Steve rolled his eyes, reluctant to let the kids down, but also really not sure he was in the mood for a trip to the lake at a moment’s notice. After leaving them to stew in radio silence for a few minutes he groaned down the line, fuck he was such a push over.

“If you all get your asses to the Byers by 9am I’ll pick you all up from there and then we’ll swing by to get El.” He replied to much hooting and cheering. 

He wondered if his Dad knew what he did for these brats whether he would ever live to see another day, but Steve didn’t finish that thought, pulling himself out of bed to find some clothes appropriate for their little jaunt to the lake, whichever lake that was, that was still information he was lacking.  
===  
After eating a bowl of cereal and downing a mug of coffee Steve suddenly came to the realisation, he should probably check that Hopper in fact HAD said that they could take El. Should he go round there first? Should he ring? Hopper said he could call any time he needed but taking his kid for a day out didn’t seem like the sort of thing Hopper meant. He went up to style his hair and grab his shades while thinking it over. His main thought was how strange he was finding not having Hopper and El here with him all the time. The house felt so much fuller with Hopper and El, having his parents here felt lonelier even than when he was alone in the house. While his parents had been away Hopper had almost taken on a father role in Steve’s life, without any conversation about it, it just happened. Steve was finding that now they were gone back to the cabin, a distance had opened between himself and Hopper.  
“Get your shit together Harrington.” He told himself in the mirror, pouting at his reflection and going to grab the phone to call the chief. 

\----

Within an hour he was face to face with the Chief of Police, nodding absently as the man listed endless things he wanted Steve to remember, all of which were forgotten before Hopper even got to the next one.  
“Hop we’ll be fine.” He interrupted, wondering how much of the day Hopper would take up with his boring rules and ranting. Steve stood under Hopper’s gaze for a moment, as if the Police Chief was trying to find something in Steve’s face that somehow told him more than his words had. He seemed to find whatever he was looking for because he nodded, letting his hand pat Steve’s shoulder. 

Steve flinched from the touch, as had become his new normal, but he wasn’t going to bring that up, and it didn’t seem that Hopper was either, though his face read something that Steve understood as sadness. What was it with people always looking at him like that, as if he was something to pity? Nancy did it for about 6 months after she’d dumped him and he’d been beaten to a pulp by Billy, Joyce did it when he showed up to dinner even though his parents were back in town, Hop did it whenever he flinched from his touch. Even goddamn Billy Hargrove had done it when they’d visited right after Starcourt. Steve shook it off, turning to see if the kids were ready to get going, that would be another thought to stuff away to think about ‘later’. 

“Steve, there’s something else I wanted to ask?” Hopper said before Steve could get himself away. The voice the man had used was so different from how he’s been lecturing Steve only moments ago that it had his full attention as he turned back around.

“I was going to ask, if when you get back would you’ll take El to visit the hospital again?” Steve’s eyebrows went so far north they basically came off his head before he pulled them back into orbit above his eyes.

“Why can’t you go? You’ve taken her the last few times?” He asked, tucking his hands into his armpits, looking more defensive than he cared to.

“I have, I’ve got… Something came up.” Hopper mumbled, now looking anywhere but Steve.

Steve studied the man before him, the last thing on his to-do list was visiting Hargrove again, but if it meant this much to Hopper he might well just sit through it. “What came up?” He asked, seeing how far he could push it, having a good idea what might be taking up room in Hopper’s Friday night schedule.

“I have to.. I’ve got a d-“

“Holy Shit Hop, do you have a DATE?!” Steve asked, instantly cut off by Hopper shushing him.

“If you say anything to the brats, I will not hesitate to kill you Harrington.” 

Steve smirked, but at being faced with one of Hopper’s fingers pointed at his nose in warning Steve held his hands up and nodded sincerely. 

\---  
The day had gone brilliantly. Well for the kids. Steve was just about ready to go bury himself in a hole and sleep for about 12 years. And he still had to go with El to see Billy. Wonderful, excellent, what a better way to end his evening. 

The main reason Steve was pissed was that the kids had spent time purposefully winding him up, and Steve was the kind of guy to enjoy a bit of banter as much as the next guy, but sometimes they took it too far. They’d taken it too far approximately 3 times today, the worst of which had left Steve, fully clothed and soaked to the bone, basically having a panic attack. The kids had thought pretending Lucas couldn’t swim seemed hilarious and had started screaming as the boy pretended to drown. Things had quickly turned from joking to serious as Steve had dived off the jetty into the lake fully clothed, swimming out to Lucas who announced he could in fact swim, Dustin and Lucas having to drag him back to the shore as Steve suddenly found he couldn’t breathe. As Steve drove home the whole situation played round in his head as he drummed lightly on the steering wheel, the kids had the decency to chatter quietly amongst themselves.

Since the whole Monster thing, Steve had become increasingly protective of these kids, and well anyone for that matter. Robin said he had a hero complex. And so what, that’s not a bad thing right? Wanting to save everyone can’t be a bad thing. But it had seemed pretty bad when he found himself on the bum end of a bad joke, struggling to breathe on the banks of a middle of nowhere lake as 6 teenagers pretended they weren’t finding this at least a little amusing. Well 5, El had not found the whole ordeal funny, recognising Steve’s panic.  
That brought him up to now, again at the door of Billy Hargrove’s hospital room with Eleven. Once the rest of the gang had been dropped home, El had chattered quietly to Steve as he drove, telling her about the book she and Billy were reading and how she’d been learning to read with Hop but now Billy sometimes helped too. 

Steve found the whole thing incredibly difficult to process, trying to align his version of Billy with El’s version of Billy was nigh on impossible, and he found it easier to disbelieve the girl’s version in an effort to keep his brain content.  
As they stepped into the room, Steve wearily holding the door for El before dropping into a chair in the corner, Billy spoke, “Hey Eleven.”  
Hargrove’s eyes warmly received the girl as she bounced to sit beside him, but they soon found Steve to assess the other boy, as if trying to work out his motives. Steve let him, after all his only motives at the moment were to make everyone around him happy, he didn’t have the desire or willpower to come here to start something with Hawkin’s hard man. 

“Wow Harrington you look like shit.” Was all he said, but Steve didn’t find as much malice in those words as he usually did. 

“Yeah well it was only about a week ago since I was tortured in a secret Russian base, these bruises ain’t disappearing overnight.” Steve retorted, watching Billy closely.

“You know, I kinda meant the hair more.” Hargrove replied, licking his tongue over his front teeth in a smile, leaning his head back in the signature ‘I’m better than you, and I enjoy that’ look Steve had come to know so well over the last couple of years. Steve just stared back, running a hand through his still damp hair to push it back into some semblance of his usual style, Billy’s eyes not leaving him for even a moment. 

“Can we read?” El asked, sounding somewhat put out that Steve was taking up her time with Billy. 

Billy’s attention snapped back to the girl, smiling gently at her, Steve’s brain working overtime to try and work this guy out. “Yeah, read to me.” Billy said, a carefully calculated and neutral tone.

Steve sat for the rest of the appointment? Visit? Lesson? Whatever this was, he knew he wasn’t invited to be involved once El started reading, so he sat back to watch her, and to watch Billy. Most of him thought this had to be some part of a grander scheme, this was going to come back and bite them when Billy was recovered and out of hospital. Sensible Steve had to have his say though and suggested maybe Steve should cut him a bit more slack and actually take the way Billy seemed to be acting now at face value. Alright Phil Collins, chill out, Steve quickly squashed that idea. It was just so much easier not to imagine Billy too complexly, and the best way to do that was to still be pissed: he’d tried to kill Steve after all. 

“Harrington?” Billy’s voice came quietly as he and El were by the door ready to leave, Steve looked down at El who nodded and waited outside the door like she had the week prior. 

“If you want to tell me to fuck off again, that can be arranged.” Steve said lightly, waving his arms to punctuate his words in a way only Steve could.

Billy looked at Steve, the familiar scowl in place as he looked him up and down. “I..” He started and then stopped, wringing his hands together as if he were about to throw a punch, but Steve was out of range and Billy was in bed, so Steve took it as a nervous thing. What could he possibly be worried about?  
“Thanks.” Billy’s low voice offered.

“You’re… for what?” Steve asked, confusion plastered across his face.

Hargrove rolled his eyes, “For smashing that car into mine, you saved those kids lives. Thanks for always looking out for Maxine.”  
Billy didn’t give Steve a chance to reply, seemingly now he’d started talking he’d found some confidence to keep going. “And..” He paused, Steve felt as if Billy were waiting to see if his next announcement would be well received, he obviously thought it was worth the risk of it not, because he finished sincerely “I’m sorry.”

Steve didn’t know what to say to that, he knew it should be something like ‘thanks for the apology, I forgive you’, but Steve could not bring himself to say those words, he wasn’t sure if they were true yet. Instead he just stood there gaping a little.

“Oh you’re so fucking welcome.” Billy snapped harshly, mask back on, but how he held himself betrayed just how vulnerable saying the previous words had made him feel. He deflated visibly once they were out, he suddenly looked different to the person who had spoken, going from gently Billy to harsh Billy then back to gentle Billy in a nano-second. For a moment Steve wondered if he were still flayed, but Sensible Steve jumped in to remind him of the Billy who always spoke to El. Steve snapped back to it, not wanting to hurt the other boys feelings. And that was something in itself, a feeling Steve wasn’t familiar with experiencing.

“Um, yeah. No biggy, it’s cool.” He mumbled awkwardly, wanting to acknowledge Billy’s thanks but not letting himself open up to respond to his apology with anything as sincere as Billy had just offered up.

Hargrove just rolled his eyes at that response. “Oh fuck off Steve.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There's going to be more Billy and Steve interactions to come in a couple of chapter's time.  
> I am in 2 minds to go full in with the Harringrove thing or just keep them as developing friends. Let me know preferences in the comments!  
> If they do end up getting together, it's going to be a super slow burn, so buckle up for the long haul!


	6. I don’t need you to worry for me ‘cause I’m alright

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “We aren’t her family.” Steve stated, and then sat up straighter as he realised what he’d said, chancing a glance back to Hopper, knowing before he spoke what he was going to say about that.
> 
> “Yeah we are kid. We’re your family now.” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Title Lyric: My Life, Billy Joel
> 
> Hello again! Chapter 6 wow!  
> Lockdown is maybe ending for me soon, I might be allowed back to work!   
> That might mean I post less frequently, but I'm aiming for once a week still.

Steve hadn’t minded the overwhelming feeling of being completely and utterly out of control of himself, but it had quickly become an issue that evening. Unexpectedly his father had been waiting for him when he came home. Steve had been pulled into the house and pushed into the kitchen where his mother was waiting. Steve was pretty sure he’d listened to a good 40% of what his father had been shouting at him, but the hand harshly meeting his cheek had thrown him back to reality. That was new, the shock of it threw him back into listening properly. The tone his dad had used was obviously because he’d had to repeat himself to Steve. Next Tuesday. Next Tuesday was when his parents wanted him out. They were selling the house and moving to New York permanently. Steve wasn’t sure what had happened between hearing that and now.

But here he was, sitting in his car outside Hopper’s house, no real memory of getting himself here. He was also unsure how long he’d sat staring at the steering wheel, trying to work out what the fuck was wrong with him. He should feel something surely. He should feel sad or angry or ecstatic he had a reason to leave, but all he actually felt was tired. He was so goddamn tired. 

Steve was scared out of his stupor by a knock on the window. So scared he jumped enough to knock his head on the ceiling of the car. Fuck. Okay. He was gonna have to speak to Hopper now, Hopper who looked like he was managing to feel something much better than he was, and the look on his face to Steve read anger. Fuck Steve, get your shit together. After a moment of staring at his hands, as if willing them to take over the whole situation he opened the door and looked up at Hopper, his signature false smile taking over. 

“Fancy seeing you here.” He said to Hopper, whose face was still dangerous, 'this isn’t gonna cut it with Hopper', Sensible Steve helpfully provided. 

“Are you going to come in? Or do you intent to continue sitting outside my house at 10pm with a swollen face?” Hopper asked dryly. 

“My face isn’t-“ Steve pulled down the mirror and looked at himself in the dim light, poking it gently, well he’d be damned, yes it was in fact swollen. “In my defence, I didn’t know it looked like that.” He offered stupidly, grinning up at Hopper.

Hopper had had enough of the stupid act and grabbed Steve by the shoulders and pulled him forcefully out of the car, this had Steve feeling all of a sudden. All reasonable thought rushing back to him as if it was trying to make up for the last few weeks of absenteeism. 

“GET OFF!” He shouted, pushing back at Hopper, the hands on his body reminding him of all sorts of things he’d intentionally pushed down NOT to think about. When Hopper didn’t let go Steve panicked, kicking at his shin, fear spilling out of his eyes in little wet blobs. “Don’t, please, I—”

Hopper let go of Steve abruptly, stepping back and holding both his hands where Steve could see them. Steve wiped angrily at his tears. Fuck THIS. Breathe, you’re not breathing. He couldn’t find his breath, the embarrassment rising on his cheeks as he seemingly had a full-on meltdown in front of Hawkins’ Chief of Police. Cool Steve, real cool. 

“Steve…” Hopper’s tentative voice broke through the panic, somehow louder than the sirens going off in his head. “I’m gonna come over there and touch your shoulders again okay?”  
In Steve’s head that sounded real nice and real awful at the same time, so he didn’t reply. Hopper stepped forward and hugged him anyway. 

“I’m sorry Hop, I..” 

“You don’t have to say anything, I got you kid.” 

Steve wept. He wept for all the things he’d had and lost, he wept for all the things he would never have. And all the things he did have. And all the while Hopper offered quiet reassurance and didn’t let go once, he didn’t tell him he was stupid or pathetic or to grow up and get over himself. Hopper just let him cry. 

Once Steve was done, he had no idea how long that was, it could have been minutes or hours, he removed himself from Hopper carefully, not wanting to upset the man by pushing him off. “Well that was fucking embarrassing wasn’t it.” He stated plainly, a wobble making his words less than what he’d hoped they would be. 

Hopper offered a wry look in return and nodded to the house, “Get inside.”

“Can I… can I stay here tonight?” 

Hopper grabbed his shotgun from where it was leaning up against a tree as they passed and nodded, “Course you can kid, any time at all.” 

\---

Steve picked his head up off the kitchen table as Hopper slid a glass of water over to him before taking the seat opposite, beer in hand. 

“How come I don’t get a real drink.” He asked, taking a deep swig of his water.

Hopper’s reply came about as dry as they come. “Because I’ve not just cried out a pint of water.” 

Steve’s cheeks flushed and he ducked his head back down to sit on top of his hands which were sitting on the kitchen table in Hopper’s cabin in the woods. El was already in bed, so it was just the two of them, and Steve was finding the direct scrutiny from the Chief a little unnerving, especially considering what had just happened outside. Honesty was the best policy, he decided, completely unlike himself. When had Steve even once been anything close to honest about how he was coping post-russian-monster-torture party.

He sucked in a big breath, chose a point on the tablecloth to address his following statement to and then said it. “I have to move out by next Tuesday, I’m a fucking wreck and I’ve not slept in about 3 days.” He said in about half the time it should have taken.

“You’ve not slept in 3 days?” Hopper asked incredulously, eyes burning into the top of Steve’s head. 

A strange panic rose again in Steve, he felt scared and worried and angry AND tired this time, and it was so overwhelming that he didn’t know what to do with it all. He blinked up at Hopper, no doubt his turmoil easily read in his eyes, but he needed to know that Hopper would be able to fix this, to fix him. 

“I also said I have to move out by next Tuesday.” He reminded the man, that being the biggest pressure on his heart, demanding to be heard again.

“Is that what your freshest shiner is all about?” Hop asked, raising an eyebrow as if to point to the growing bruise on Steve’s own.  
Steve’s head dropped back down onto the table, his field of vision reducing back to just the inch of table in front of his nose. That still felt like he was looking at too much, so he closed his eyes, hoping the problems he was faced with would go away with the tablecloth. 

“What am I gonna do Hop?” He murmured quietly to the table, hoping that Hop didn’t hear, but desperately needing him to. “I work at family video for fucks sake.” He added for good measure, just in case Hopper had heard.

\---------

Steve had to admit, a whole night’s sleep, even if on a couch, was really refreshing to his opinion of himself and his position. Hopper had decided it was best to sleep off the weight of last night, and tucked Steve under a mountain of blankets on the couch and headed to bed himself. And Steve had to admit, though bleak, his view of his future prospects did feel at least a little lighter in the daylight. Steve wasn’t in any rush to go back home, and he wasn’t due in work until the day after, so he made no effort to leave in a hurry, that’s how he found himself helping Hopper chop wood that would be used to add to an outhouse beside the main cabin. 

Steve prided himself on being physically fit, but wandering around with the fuzziness of a concussion still lingering, and having no basketball practice meant that he was finding this task a little harder than he would choose to admit.  
Hopper had brought out some cold sodas and some snacks for a quick break, both of them needing it, but neither admitting that was the reason for stopping. Steve sipped from his coke and looked up at Hopper from where he was sitting on the wood they’d chopped already. Man he wishes he’d had a father like him, his whole life would have played out so differently, the dream of it aching at his chest. “Hop, thanks for looking out for me. “ He said, the words sounding familiar. ‘Yeah Billy said something similar to you the other night’ came a voice in his head. Steve pushed that away, but also made a mental note to think about how he felt about Billy seriously at some point, the guy kept making himself known in Steve’s thoughts.

“No worries, you’ve joined the monster gang.” He said with mock joviality. “I’ve got your back as much as you’ve got those kids backs.” Hopper nodded, his entire face now reading sincerity, something Steve knew well, but also knew didn’t come about often with Hopper. Steve recognised himself in that, it was easier to be defensive, but letting that drop to be serious often carried you a lot further than the act ever would. 

“Steve, I wanted your opinion on something.” Hop said carefully.

Steve shrugged a shoulder up in response, showing he was open to trying to provide it.

“I’ve been thinking for a while, with El probably going to school some time soon, that I should move closer into town, in a proper house.”

Steve, assuming this was what Hopper had wanted his opinion of nodded, “Um, yeah. That could be good for her? She’d be able to go on her own to her friends?” He offered, not actually feeling like he had any opinion on it.

“Yeah, well. This place would be empty. And if you wanted, you could stay here until you find your feet?” He said cautiously, eyes always watching Steve.

“Hop, you don’t-“ Steve stopped to swallow, his thoughts racing ahead of him so fast that he didn’t actually know what any of them were thinking, all he knew is that he should decline, that was what his father would tell him to do.

“If you don’t want to be here in the woods on your own, I get it. But there’s 2 rooms, you could have a friend stay if you know anyone else looking?” Hopper suggested, not belittling Steve for potentially being scared of the woods but saying it so casually and without judgement that Steve found it reassuring rather than condescending like he could have.  
Steve’s voice came out as a breath of himself “Hop, thanks. I’ll.. I’ll think about it yeah?” He asked, looking up to the man for guidance. 

“Yeah no rush. The cabin, and us, will be here as long as you need.” Hopper said, before standing up abruptly and grabbing axe, obviously deciding that was enough serious talk for one conversation.

\---------------------------

Steve had crashed at Hopper’s the rest of that week, not going home other than a handful of times when he knew his parents were at work, and only to pick up some clothes and toiletries. He felt much more like himself as the week went on, but still like he was only going through the motions of real life. He felt so numb to most things that it was almost like he was floating through the day, only touching his toes down occasionally and even then some of his mind was pulled elsewhere. 

“Ready?” Hopper asked as they sat in his cruiser outside Steve’s house that Tuesday.

“Yeah.” Steve breathed, turning to give Hopper a nod before he got out, carrying a cardboard box loosely by his side.  
Again Steve has chosen a time when he knew his parents would be out of the house, and he’d packed up everything from his room, which he realised wasn’t actually that much stuff. For good measure he took some things that technically belonged to his parents, like his bedding and some records that he listened to most from the lounge. And within a couple of hours they were driving away from the house again, all of Steve’s world packed up in the back. He didn’t say anything as they headed back out of town towards the cabin, Steve’s gaze decidedly unwavering from the window.

Hopper broke the silence, glancing sideways at Steve. “Joyce has invited everyone round to family dinner tonight.” 

“We aren’t her family.” Steve stated, and then sat up straighter as he realised what he’d said, chancing a glance back to Hopper, knowing before he spoke what he was going to say about that. 

“Yeah we are kid. We’re your family now.” 

Steve nodded once and then leaned his head against the window, having to admit to himself that he did happen to agree with that, and he wasn’t mad about it. So why was he still feeling so deflated about losing his own family. Sensible Steve jumped in to try and help, ‘Hop and co. are what a real family should be like. You’re sad because you never had that, not because you’re losing your parents.’ Steve shut his eyes for the rest of the journey, apparently falling asleep because when he opened them they were back at the cabin and Hopper was already unpacking his stuff from the car. 

This whole feeling thing sure was exhausting.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading!  
> Thanks to all who gave their opinions on whether Harringrove was something they were interested in, I'm writing chapter 10 atm, and I must say, I think Harringrove is a GO!
> 
> Please leave a review if you enjoyed this, it makes me so happy! It also helps me shape the story (and massages my ego!)
> 
> xx


	7. And the grand facade, so soon will fall

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “You telling me you’re not a bad boy?” He asked, actually quite enjoying the bit of banter they had managed, pleased for no raging arguments or flying fists. 
> 
> “I am, in fact, not big enough to break down the door.” Hargrove replied with mock grief, his lips pulling down in the farce of sadness.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Title lyric: In your eyes, Peter Gabriel
> 
> hello again! Thanks for reading, enjoy!

Steve couldn’t find any of his sweaters or polos, and not wanting to route through the boxes of his stuff piled in Hopper’s outhouse, he had to reach for a button up shirt to tuck into his blue jeans. 

“She’s gonna think I’m insane, Hop. I can’t go out like this.” He announced as he pushed his hair up in front of a mirror to try and make himself look less presentable.

El popped her head around from her bedroom door, “Pretty.” She smiled, pushing her hair up just how Steve’s was. Steve just shook his head, “Well if you say so, then I’ll have to wear this then.” He replied, gaining a smile from his little friend. 

They parked on the sofa together, waiting for Hopper to come out of his room to take them to Joyce’s for dinner. 10 minutes after when they were due to leave Steve asked El to tell him the time. “4:57.”

“Hopper! We are going without you in 3 minutes!” Steve shouted. “Your hair is never going to look good, so you might as well just get a shift on out here!” 

Hopper appeared, and if looks could kill, Steve would be dead. El giggled at the look, making it lose some of its edge. On reflection, and after studying Hopper he concluded that maybe she wasn’t laughing at the look on his face, more the whole look.   
“Dad? Why is your shirt like that?” 

Hopper’s eyebrows lowered so far over his eyes Steve was unsure he could actually see. “It’s a smart casual floral shirt. Cutting edge.” He ground out, only causing El to fall back into another fit. 

“Well I wouldn’t go that far, but it sure is something.” Steve said as he tapped Hop’s keys into the air for Hopper to catch, pulling El up with him to head to their cars before either of them could catch a cuffed ear. 

\----- 

Steve followed Hopper’s cruiser onto the Byer’s drive, he’d come separate because he was on child taxi duty that evening. Before he even got out of the car, Dustin was bouncing over to him.

“Steve!” He shouted, way too loud for the given situation, Steve smiled in reply. 

“Yo buddy, what’s up?” 

“Oh I have so much to tell you, we have a new cat, my mum actually has decided to become a sanctuary, she’d got another coming on Tuesday…” Steve let Dustin chatter on to him as they headed inside, nodding his greeting to Joyce and Jonathan in the kitchen as Dustin dragged him on through to Will’s room.

“Steve!” Came a chorus of happy voices. 

“Alright Shitheads, what’s going on?” He asked, flopping into Will’s desk chair, the kids were all huddled on the floor around the smallest TV Steve thinks he’d ever seen, but there was a games console plugged in. 

“Will’s mom bought him a Nintendo Famicom!” Dustin exclaimed, eyes not even leaving the screen to talk to Steve. 

“It’s a games console.” Max explained to Steve, the only one actually giving him any of her attention.

“I know what it is, but I’m more of a sega man myself.” Steve said as he kicked his feet up onto the desk. 

Mike’s mouth dropped round to look at Steve, a small smirk on his face as he looked back at the gobsmacked look of the youngster. “SEGA?” Mike asked incredulously, “Really?” The familiar scorn in the boy’s voice, ah so familiar. 

“Yeah sega, but not an SG-1000, I’ve got an early release Master System.” He explained, waving his hand as if it were nothing, but knowing the chaos he would cause amongst the nerds before him. 

And it did. 

“Steve what the fuck!?” 

“They’re only available in Japan at the moment!”

“Why haven’t you told us this!”

“When can we come round and play!”

Dustin was up onto his feet and shaking Steve’s shoulders. “STEVE!” He shouted repeatedly until Steve had had enough of being ragged around and pushed him off, probably harder than he deserved. El and Max were sitting on Will’s bed laughing their heads off, exclaiming how it was “the funniest thing they’d ever seen.” 

Joyce came in at that moment to announce dinner was ready and to ask everyone to wash hands and sit at the table. Steve had never been so relieved to be saved from a group of angry nerds.

\----------

Dinner passed uneventfully; Steve drove Sinclair home first, before heading towards the Wheeler’s to deposit Mike. Leaving him alone with Max. He’d never spend much time 1 on 1 with the girl, and she didn’t strike him as someone who needed him to look after her like some of the others did. He thought he’d best start a bit of friendly conversation so it wasn’t awkward. 

“How’s it going Max?” He asked, glancing across to where she was in the front seat beside him. 

She looked back up to Steve, and he felt that she wanted to tell him something, but he didn’t know what. He gave her a moment to answer, and after a few moments quiet she did. “I feel really strange. Billy is being weird with me; I don’t know where I stand.” She explained, wringing her hands in her lap. Steve nodded this over, he knew he couldn’t put his own opinions on this kid, she was Billy’s sister and had to live with him, so he thought over what a more neutral answer would be. What would Hopper say? 

“You know, he’s been through a lot more shit than the rest of us have. You might just need to give him a bit of space until he works out where he stands with himself.”

Steve’s eyebrows hit the roof, ‘Fuck OFF. Did you just say that? What is wrong with you?!’ Sassy Steve sassed from somewhere back there. To be honest, he was quite impressed with himself, and judging by the thoughtful smile he was receiving from Max he’d done something right.   
As they pulled up to Max’s, Steve’s headlights caught something on the kerbside outside the house, his heart jumped in his chest instantly leaping to the worst-demodog-scenario. When they got closer, Steve actually recognised the figure as Max’s brother. Billy was sitting hunched uncomfortably over himself on the side of the road, a cigarette hanging from between his teeth, looking up towards the lights and sound of the car. As they pulled up Max jumped out with hurried thanks, she gave Billy a look like she was about to say something, but on receiving a dark glare in return ran off into the house. 

Half of Steve wanted to drive off and not even acknowledge the other boy, but the other half just needed to say something. He’d spent some time trying to reconcile the two contrasting versions of Billy he knew, but always came to the conclusion that he was dangerous, and he should steer clear. So what was steering him to roll down his window and stick his head out to speak to him now?

“Didn’t know you were allowed out Hargrove?” 

Billy sat up a little at being addressed directly, rolling his eyes at the comment. “I was in hospital Harrington, not prison.”  
“Too bad.” Steve commented easily, but the defensiveness that crossed Billy’s features made him feel bad instantly, “What you doing sat out here when you’re just free from hospital?” He asked, trying to steer the conversation back to easier ground.

Hargrove pulled a lighter out and lit his smoke, the bad boy façade had slipped back on while Steve had been talking, it was like looking at a completely different person again. “I would have gone out for a drive, but some maniac totalled my ride, didn’t they?” 

“Hey I thought that you were cool with that?” Steve asked defensively, not reading the sarcasm in Billy’s voice.

Billy’s eyes rolled back in his head again as his head rolled back to direct his gaze upwards, he hissed in a painful breath between his teeth, then sent up a cloud of smoke into the night air. 

Steve just watched him for a moment, but that moment lasted too long and Hargrove was speaking again. 

“Fuck off Harrington.” Hargrove grumbled, pulling his head languidly back to face Steve, pinning a hard, unreadable look on him that caused Steve to feel the same fear of the other boy he’d lived with the past year since the event at the Byers. 

Steve’s self-preservation reflex had obviously been damaged by the Russian beating. Instead of leaving Billy to wallow in his misery as he had the last few time’s Hargrove had requested he fuck off, he instead pulled up the lock on the passenger door. “Get in.” 

Billy looked as if he were about to get up without question, but then hesitated, one hand on the kerb where it was about to push him to stand. He did eventually stand up, looking far more labored and painful than he’d wanted to in front of Steve, but once he was up Billy picked a face to assess Steve with, coming to the window of his car and looking at him intensely. 

Steve swallowed, uncomfortable under the scrutiny, but matched Billy’s look, fixing his own glare back on the boy. As if they were having some sort of stare down after Steve had offered Billy a ride, how on earth was this his life now. “You coming or what?” He asked eventually, nodding to the seat beside him and dropping his gaze to fiddle with the radio. 

Hargrove got in without another word, sitting politely in the passenger seat and staring out the front windscreen. 

“By all means kick your feet up, I wouldn’t want you to miss an opportunity to get on my nerves.” Steve said as they set off. 

“That’s really kind Harrington, but I literally can’t right now, so just imagine my feet on your dash.” He retorted snarkily, tongue resting on his front teeth. 

Steve shook his head as he turned the radio up, ignoring the other boy for the time being. Wham’s Bad Boys played quietly as Steve drove, deciding to head off up to the quarry with his most unexpected passenger of his taxi career. 

“Fucking hate this song, Steve.” Billy finally spoke, voice carefully neutral, but sounding tired.

Steve sent a glance sideways, not least because the other boy had used his first name. “Why? Because it so accurately describes your life?” He asked.

It was a surprise to hear a barked laugh in return to that. “No, the complete opposite.” He replied frankly, looking over to gauge Steve’s reaction. Steve looked back momentarily, before returning his eyes to the road. He wanted to acknowledge something there, but he felt like he was skating thin ice already without starting a therapy session with his enemy, so he opted for humour as usual. 

“You telling me you’re not a bad boy?” He asked, actually quite enjoying the bit of banter they had managed, pleased for no raging arguments or flying fists. 

“I am, in fact, not big enough to break down the door.” Hargrove replied with mock grief, his lips pulling down in the farce of sadness. 

Steve laughed. A big, proper, belly rumble laugh. For the first time he can remember recently, he laughed, and enjoyed the sound of it, and enjoyed the sound of a similar one beside him. 

\---------------------

The rest of the drive had happened without major blows, Hargrove had changed the radio station to something Steve could only describe as ‘rot’ but let it slide because they were pretty much at the quarry anyway. He parked up at the side of the road, grabbing a flashlight from the glovebox after Hargrove had vacated his seat. As he walked round the back he hesitated, he always contemplated reaching for a weapon when he found himself out in the middle of nowhere, especially any time he was closer to the lab than he was to home. 

“Get a move on, Harrington.” He heard called out, Billy already making his way along the track to the top of the Quarry. Steve watched for a moment, he had no idea how Billy was still going, if all of that had happened to Steve, he was sure he would die the first instance he had to do anything. Yet here Billy was, either strong enough to not have the pain of the situation sitting on his shoulders, or stupid enough to hide it. Steve suspected in reality it was both, as Billy shoulder’s hung low and his left hand held his stomach as he slowly wandered up the path.

Steve tapped the trunk of his car decisively, leaving the bat inside, making off at a jog to catch up to Billy, falling in step beside him. Neither boy said anything for a while, but the silence wasn’t uncomfortable. As they reached the open air of the Quarry top, Billy found a rock and sat himself down on it to catch his breath. Steve stood awkwardly for a few moments, before dropping himself down carefully to sit at the side of the boulder Billy was on, leaning his back against it to look out across the landscape before them, quickly darkening as the sun dipped beneath the tree line.

“Why did you bring me here?” Billy asked after a while, voice harsh but carrying some genuine curiosity. 

Steve was caught a little off guard, looking up at the other boy. “What? Um, you said you wanted to go for a drive?” He answered lamely. 

Rolling his eyes, Hargrove reached a hand out behind himself before laying himself carefully on his back across the rock, letting out a groan. Steve couldn’t work out if that were because of his injuries still paining him, or if it was directed at his stupid comment. 

“Do you always do what people ask of you?” Hargrove asked, one hand playing with a curl at the top of his head, gaze fixed where the stars were beginning to make themselves known. 

Steve puffed out a humoured cloud, but he only considered giving a true answer. “I mean, yeah. That’s what my entire life is. Isn’t yours?” 

“I do things I want to do. Not what other people want me to.” Hargrove replied easily.

When Steve’s words were out of his mouth it was the first time he heard them, “Yeah apart from that one time.” He jumped to his feet as soon as he heard them, backing away from Billy a step, watching him carefully. 

Billy flinched and stilled his hand that had been gently pulling out knots in his hair. He took a couple of deep breaths before pushing himself slowly up to sit, pinning his gaze on Steve’s. 

“I am so sorry.” Steve said, hands up in a soft surrender at his hips, but keeping his gaze locked on Billy’s to show he meant it.  
Steve’s heart rate picked up about 60 bpm at that gaze, each beat shouting ‘fuck’ louder than the next. He was pretty sure if Billy unlocked his eyes from Steve’s and took the whole of him in, he’d be able to see each breath he took, the effort of so many more than he was used to was pushing his shoulders up and down. He ducked his gaze away, pushing out a breath that, even though he was breathing 100x faster than usual, he seemed to have been holding. “Fuck Billy, that’s not what I…” He grabbed a hold of the front of his hair before looking back to Hargrove who hadn’t so much as blinked from his previous position. “I’m sorry, okay. Not cool.” He finished, dropping to sit on the floor again, this time a few paces away from Billy, but now facing him. 

“Yeah, NOT cool.” Came the tense reply. “If you fucking say anything like that again, I will bring you up here and push you off the edge.” Steve’s old Billy snapped, scrubbing over some of the easiness of the Billy he’d spend the evening with. 

“That’s a promise, Harrington.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading! Leave a comment if you want, if you loved it, if you hated it. I want to know! 
> 
> I've been enjoying filling tumblr prompts this week, so if anyone fancies different snippets I've written you can find them on my page here, or on bronskiibeat.tumblr.com
> 
> Thanks for going on this ride with me! I'm still enjoying my first dip into writing!


	8. In you I’ve found a story I want to keep hearing

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Steve thought over a great number of things he might say in reply or to try acknowledge what had just happened. But his process took so long he barely thought it was worth speaking again. But some words appeared so quietly into the silence, in his voice, so they must have come from his mouth.
> 
> “Are you this fucked up too?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi welcome back!  
> I keep trying to upload on the same day, I have no excuse other than the weather is nice and it's easier to be a bit miserable outside than in, so do excuse my tardiness x
> 
> Title lyric: King, Love and Pride

Three more times that week Steve found himself driving Billy Hargrove up to the quarry. There were a few heated arguments that burned themselves out quickly, and there were conversations Steve never imagined starting with anyone, let alone his biggest enemy. Enemy was perhaps a stronger word now that it needed to be, maybe rival. No way in hell was he friends with the guy, he was just feeling sorry for Billy because he still didn’t have his car and couldn’t walk more than 10 minutes without needing to break. 

Steve rocked up again at the Hargrove house, Billy definitely wasn’t waiting on the porch, he just coincidentally happened to be out for a smoke when Steve’s car pulled up and waited outside. Neither one said anything as Billy climbed into the passenger side, pushing his chair to recline slightly, watching Steve as they pulled away from the house. Steve flicked on the radio, looking for a radio station that was playing something other than adverts for fertilizer, landing on one playing some British synth. That seemed to be the big thing in the cities at the moment, and Steve found it easy listening to drive to. ‘That’s what my heart yearns for now, love and pride’ was the repetitive lyric of the tune playing, it was quite catchy and Steve bobbed his head as they drove. 

He felt Billy gaze leave him before the other boy spoke, he rarely looked at Steve when he spoke to him, as if worried the force of his gaze and words both directed Steve’s way would break him. “Do you always listen to Gay FM when you’re driving?” He asked critically.

Steve was caught off guard, cheeks pinkening. “What? This isn’t gay music?” He spluttered in reply. “I just put on a station playing music.”

Billy smirked, biting his top lip between his teeth, “You know every time I’ve gotten in this car, you’ve played a gay song.” He raised his eyebrows and laid his head against the back of the headrest, meeting Steve’s panicked glance. “Are you trying to come onto me you pervert?” 

Steve’s early warning system was blaring, but it was way too late, he was in deep dangerous waters and he didn’t even remember jumping in. “Wait? What? Sure this sounds pretty gay, but what else have I tuned into that’s gay?” 

Billy barked a laugh at Steve’s genuine confusion, revelling in each minute of winding up the posh boy. “Wham. The first night you picked me up, you put on fucking Wham.” 

“Wham aren’t gay.” Steve shot back, confusion painted cross his features as he glanced back to Billy again. Billy only laughed again, pressing a hand to his chest at the discomfort of it. 

“Have you seen George Michael?!” 

Steve just shook his head in dismay as they pulled up at their usual spot, going round to grab a blanket he’d brought to sit on to save his ass freezing as the nights drew in colder. His fingers reached again for the bat in the back of his car before he shook it off and jogged to catch up to Hargrove.

“I’m pretty sure George Michael is normal?” He said, bringing up the conversation from the drive.

Billy stopped walking to look at Steve, properly looking him up and down, as if trying to decide to tell him something world changingly important. Steve felt the weight of Billy’s internal dilemma but let it hang between them, shrugging his shoulders to reiterate he still wanted an answer. 

“You can just tell with some people, when I was back home there were more gays around, you can… I dunno, you can just tell.” He said with some amount of finality. Steve knew when Billy decided a conversation was over that was it, it was over or it became an argument. And he couldn’t be bothered with that today.  
“Well I bet you 10 bucks that he turns out straight 10 years from now.” Steve offered to lighten the dense air bubbled around them.

“I won’t know you in 10 years.” Billy replied easily, carrying on up the path leaving Steve standing there like a lemon. He felt some disappointment, he wasn’t really sure what for, it’s not like he wanted to spend 10 years of his life with Billy Hargrove featuring in it, one or both of them would get a job somewhere else and they’d never speak again. This one weird week would be a thing forgotten. ‘You won’t forget anything about the upside down shit that led you to this week’ Sensible Steve offered, and Steve directed his disappointment to that thought instead of the thought of falling out of contact with Billy fucking Hargrove.  
\---  
Steve woke with a jolt as something grabbed his arm, completely disorientated and out of it from his snooze. His instant reaction was to lash out at whatever had touched him. His elbow struck out at whatever had grabbed him, landing hard in something soft.

A loud indistinct shout was the returning answer and he panicked, saw it absorb his vision. He sat up and threw a fist towards the shape before him, wishing now he’d grabbed his bat from the trunk. It was caught like a baseball pitcher on the winning game and pushed back towards him hard enough to knock him back over his heels to land with a thud. 

“What the fuck Harrington?!” Came a shout from above Steve, he opened his eyes and forced his brain to cooperate with the whole seeing thing. Billy. It was Billy Hargrove. He relaxed back onto the floor into a limp pile, weirdly relieved that he’d thrown a punch and it was only directed at Billy Hargrove. He laughed. This was ridiculous, since when did sending a fist towards Hargrove’s face become something not to be terrified about the consequence of. 

“Stop fucking laughing.” Hargrove ground out from behind his teeth, obviously annoyed at Harrington’s completely mental and now wildly erratic behaviour. He shifted from where he was sitting so he could toe his boot hard into Harrington’s side, stopping the laughter instantly. 

“What was that for?” He replied tightly, rolling into himself to press the pain away, his brain going in about 20 directions at the same time, at about 200 miles per hour each. He found himself increasingly short of breath, until he couldn’t breathe at all. Why did this happen to him. Fucking breathe in, breathe in and then out, it’s literally that simple. But he couldn’t, he was dying, this was how he died. Again.

“Harrington?” Came a different voice altogether, though Steve knew rationally there was only the 2 of them stupid enough to be here at the back end of Autumn as the remains of the day died across the quarry.  
When Steve didn’t answer, he felt a hand on his shoulder and tried to flinch out of the grasp. He couldn’t, the hand was staying, so he reached his own up and grabbed the fabric at the wrist of the other boy’s jacket, hanging on as if his life were dependant on it.

“Steve, breathe with me. In…. Out….” Billy had sat himself right in front of Steve, pulling Harrington carefully to sit facing him. Steve, through his panic fogged system, set his eyes on Billy letting his ears guide most of his cognition as he tried to get himself straight. 

After 5 minutes of the only sound to either of their ears Billy’s slow and repetitive. “In… and out… In… and out.” Steve felt his senses lowering themselves to settle somewhere in his belly, filling him with a nausea that was arguably easier to deal with. He squeezed Billy’s wrist where he was embarrassingly still gripped on and then let go, laying himself on his back across the blanket as he had been before he’d freaked the fuck out.

Billy watched Steve for a while, Steve didn’t feel any shame in staring back. How could he embarrass himself any further, so why not fill his desire to watch Billy watch him just laying at the top of a quarry post-panic attack. He could do what he wanted; he was Steve Harrington. 

After a few minutes longer than either of them would ever admit, Billy delicately shifted to lay beside Steve again, hands resting on the same spot on his stomach they always did, directing his gaze to the appearing stars and away from Steve. Steve somewhat welcomed being completely ignored again, but he couldn’t help noticing how carefully Billy avoided touching him as he laid beside him. His nausea twisted into an ache further up his body, pressing at his heart gently. This was the other Billy, the one so few people saw, yet the one his adopted little sister was so well acquainted with. And Steve would be stupid to admit to himself that he didn’t enjoy spending time with him. 

“Did you wake me because you wanted to go?” He asked gently, voice no more than a ghost breathing out of his mouth.

“It’s fine, I’m not in a rush.” Billy replied, eyes not leaving the sky above him. He recognised Steve’s voice in himself, he’d learned to direct his attention to other people when he was hurting, so he wanted to give Steve the time to sit with it if he wanted before they headed off. 

Steve thought over a great number of things he might say in reply or to try acknowledge what had just happened. But his process took so long he barely thought it was worth speaking again. But some words appeared so quietly into the silence, in his voice, so they must have come from his mouth.

“Are you this fucked up too?” 

Billy turned his head to look at Steve, seemingly bringing the whole sky down in his eyes in the brief moment Steve looked at him before looking away. Billy rarely looked at him when he spoke, and he now felt uncomfortable holding the gaze of the other boy, especially when they were so close to one another. He directed his eyes back to the sky to give Billy’s words some space to come out, if they were going to come out at all.

Billy watched Steve for a long while before deeming his truthful answer safe in the little distance it had to travel between his mouth and Steve’s ear. 

“Yeah.” He whispered.

Steve swallowed, probably loud enough for Billy to hear. He closed his eyes and rolled his head aside to face Billy, frowning some courage together before opening his eyes to look at Billy Hargrove, forcing himself to see him properly. He opened his mouth to speak, but Billy beat him to it, matching Steve’s steady but vulnerably unstable gaze.

“I know we’re not cool. You probably hate my guts for still being alive. But..” He growled low in his throat, rolling to his back and pushing his hair up to grab handfuls above his head as if that would give him the courage to get his words out without feeling like a pussy. “But I’m trying. And I.. Fuck. I actually like having someone who knows how this shit feels.” 

Steve nodded, still watching Billy as he spoke, finally seeing him as something fully other to what he’d manufactured as his knowledge of Billy Hargrove. 

“I don’t know how you cope. Everything that happened to you. It’s so much worse than what I’ve dealt with. But you’ve still got yourself together so much better.”

Billy flicked a weak smirk, then reached into his pant pocket to pull out 2 smokes. He put one between his own lips and held the other above Steve’s. Steve’s eyes went to Billy’s before reaching his head up to take the cigarette between his teeth, reaching to his own jacket pocket to grab a lighter. Billy tilted his head towards Steve as he lit his own smoke, lifting himself up on his elbow to take his light at the same time as Steve. 

Steve felt like he was about to have another fucking panic attack. His heart was beating so fast he thought he might take off with the force of it and fly up into the clouds. But as Billy lay back down to direct his gaze to the sky, Steve focused his attention to taking a drag of nicotine and sending another little cloud to join the dance amongst the stars.  
Now Steve knew the boy lying beside him, he was feeling more comfortable in his presence. He found his words tumbling out gently, even if Billy wasn’t there listening, he got the impression the catharsis gained from it would be the same.

“I don’t sleep anymore. I do maybe 2 or 3 hours twice a night. I can’t bear the dreams.” He murmured, pausing for a drag of his cig before carrying on, feeling giddy at the prospect of his deepest darkest worries being out in the ether, and also potentially absorbed into someone else.  
“I can’t stand it when people touch me anymore, I’ve not kissed anyone since Nance.” He left that thought to stew for a moment, it was still sore he realised as he spoke it. “But like, since I was tortured, even someone tapping me on the shoulder freaks me out. I can’t stand it.” 

Billy dropped his head lazily round to look at Steve, but Steve’s gaze was stubbornly directed to the stars, his speeding heart telling him he shouldn’t have said any of that, not in front of Billy fucking Hargrove. Billy watched the side of Steve’s head for what seemed like an age, taking a drag and blowing it in a deliberately narrow trail towards Steve’s cheek. Steve started when he felt Billy’s hand find his own, weaving their fingers together, eyes reserved only for Steve. 

Steve eventually turned to look Billy in the eyes when it became apparent he wasn’t going to speak, looking for something that showed Billy wasn’t going to laugh or tell him his declaration was stupid. He caught a breath when he met the other boy’s eyes, they were damp with tears not yet fallen. The foot between them felt like mere inches as Steve yet again had his entire perception of the face he was looking at changed, Steve squeezed the hand in his, furrowed brow to try work out what was wrong.  
“I’m so sorry.” Billy eventually murmured.

Steve frowned, unable for once to look away. “What for? You didn’t do this to us.” 

“Steve… I did. It was all me, I was the monster.” He whispered, his horror clear in his voice. 

Steve wasn’t having it, he sat up abruptly, finishing his cig and stubbing it out beside himself, he reached out for Billy’s hand again, pulling him to sit up to, wincing at the gasp of pain Billy let out.

“I’ve known about all this monster shit for 3 years. You haven’t even been in town that long. You don’t get to feel shit about this all being on you.” He said quite forcefully, still gripping Billy’s hand harder than he needed to be. “If you really believe that to be true, then the bowl cut kid, Will, is just as much of a monster as you are.” 

Billy shook his head, using the hand that wasn’t held by Steve to wipe angrily at the tears making their great escape from his eyes. “He’s different, he’s just a-“

Steve interrupted, his sincerity for making Billy believe him travelling with the force of his words, shaking the other boys hand for effect.

“Billy. YOU are just a kid too. None of this is your fault.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello! Thanks for coming back/reading this far/binge reading to here!  
> I appreciate each and every one of you!  
> Leave me a comment so I know what you think


	9. In a Little Bit of Time You Won’t Feel so Bad

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Billy flipped him a finger and made for the door anyway. Steve, adamant he’d get his way raised his voice some, “Hey! My house my rules.”
> 
> Billy turned to look at him with a curious frown, “Whatever Stevie Boy.” He headed into the house with his smoke lit anyway.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Me again!  
> Thanks for being here!  
> Enjoy!
> 
> Chapter Lyric: Dodie, Secret for the Mad

Steve startled when Hopper stood up to greet him as he snuck in that night, he grabbed the shirt at his shoulders to wrap his arms across his chest. “Fucking hell Hop, I shit my pants then.” He said, kicking off his shoes and pushing them to sit beside the other 2 pairs at the doormat.

“Where’ve you been?” Hopper asked, voice low so as not to wake El who was no doubt asleep in the next room at this time.

All Steve felt was exhaustion, he wanted nothing more than to drop down on his camp bed and be unconscious for a good 8-10 hours but the look on Hop’s face showed him that his sleep wouldn’t be coming immediately.  
  
“Why does it matter? I’ve just been out?” He replied nonchalantly, heading to the kitchen to find a glass and pour water into it, mainly for something to do.  
  
“Steve, it’s 12:30. I’ve been sat waiting for you to come home for hours, you could have been anywhere, you could have been-“  
  
Dead. The word hung between them and it simultaneously pushed Steve’s back up higher and made him deflate so much he had to drop himself into a chair at the dinner table to work himself out.

“I’m fine, I can look after myself.” He replied quietly, skimming over Hopper’s worry. “Why do you care so much anyway?”  
  
Hopper studied Steve carefully for a moment before pulling up the chair opposite to answer. “You’re living under my roof, you’ve been gone 4 nights this week. I want to know you’re safe. What have you been doing?”  
  
Steve dropped his forehead down to the table with a groan and then a thud. “Not sex, drugs OR rock and roll if that’s what you’re worried about.” He replied, trying to get his brain to crunch into gear to come up with a reasonable excuse. The truth didn’t feel a viable option right now, Hopper would probably prefer him shooting up than hanging out with Billy Hargrove. But it wasn’t any of Hopper’s business, he wasn’t his dad or anything. ‘He’s pretty much given you a free house Steve, give him some credit.’ Sensible Steve chipped in, making Steve show the man some respect and lift his head to meet his eyes.  
  
“Steve. I’m worried about you.”  
  
That was it, fuck fuck fuck. No tears Steve. He blew his cheeks out to release a slow breath. “I’ve been up at the quarry.” The panic that flashed over Hopper’s face reached over and pinched at Steve’s heart, so he added the truth quickly, “With Billy Hargrove, just hanging. Nothing… bad.” He ended quietly, shutting his mouth and waiting for an answer, carefully.  
  
Hopper’s jaw clenched as he looked at Steve, showing his apprehension in a tiny shake of his head. He pinched his nose as he thought about his words. “I don’t think that’s a great idea. That boy-“, he was cut off by Steve.  
  
The frustration and anxiety bubbling in Steve’s chest pushed his shoulders to touch his ears, the action forcing his eyes to screw shut as he tried to channel his anger to something productive rather than snapping at Hopper. The last thing he wanted was to direct that towards the man who had stepped up to be a proper father for him, but somehow his words came out far more forcefully than he wanted them to.

“Hop! I haven’t felt _anything_ in weeks.” He snapped, causing silence to sit between them for a beat to long before he could carry on. “But he gets it. He’s a fucking wreck too”

Hopper reached out to squeeze Steve’s shoulder but took his hand back as the shoulder made it’s way out of grasp just before it landed. “I’m here for you, you know that. You can talk to me. I want you to.”

Steve’s night had already given him so much to think about, and Hopper being kind to him right now wasn’t doing anything to help him sort his thoughts into some reasonable order.  
  
“You’re not my dad.” He said, hoping those words would mean more to Hopper than their face value. He _couldn’t_ talk to Hopper. Not properly. Even though he was the most responsible and caring adult in his life, he still couldn’t say some of the shit he’d told Billy. He was another adult, and all the adults in Steve’s life up to this point had sorely disappointed him, it was only a matter of time before Hopper worked out what a fuck up he was and disappointed him too. And if he gave less there was less to lose. It was that simple.

Hopper, to his credit, seemed to understand some of the worry Steve was sifting through when he spoke. “I’m not your dad. I don’t want to be, no offence. But if you need someone to sit and mope with, I’m your man. No questions asked. I’m always available to you Steve, I want you to do well.”  
  
Steve nodded, he knew Hopper would always honour his word, and he took some comfort in the fact that Hopper seemed to know what he’d said between the lines. He sipped his drink and offered a thankful smile, not trusting himself to speak again for fear of saying something as stupid as ‘you’re not my dad’. What the actual fuck.

“I also wanted to talk to you about this place. I’ve found a house in town and I’ve bought it. El and I are moving there on Saturday.” Steve visibly deflated, he wasn’t sure why he was disappointed but he was. He liked being in their little unit, and now they were leaving him. ‘That feels incredibly irrational Steve’ Sassy Steve offered, but the heavy weight in his belly didn’t leave.  
  
Hopper continued. “You can come with us, there’s a spare room. Or you can stay here. Either option is fine with me. I want you to do what’s best for you.” Hopper eyes watched Steve, watched how his breath caught when he said they were moving, and how it let out when the invitation was extended to Steve, the boys reaction was a surprise to him.  
  
“I’ll stay here. If that’s okay?” At a gentle nod he carried on. “I’ve got to get myself sorted, I can’t rely on you forever, and I think it’ll be good to be somewhere of my own?”

Hopper nodded. “You’re welcome at the new house any time. To stay over or just to eat my food. Any time at all. That house is as much yours as this one.”  
  
\-------

Saturday came quicker than he’d expected and Hopper and El had left an hour ago, Steve was rattling around the empty house at a loss for what to do. It was his day off and he knew to make the place feel more his own he should probably move some of the stuff from the outhouse into the house house, but he just didn’t have the energy to move himself from where he was sprawled across the sofa.  
  
After an hour of moping Steve decided what he should do. He should get the rugrats round here to make some noise and cause some chaos. He went to his room, which it had been for the last 2 hours since El had moved out, grabbing his radio he threw himself back onto the sofa to summon the nerds.

“This is Steve, come in nerds.”  
  
Nothing.  
  
“Come in nerds, this is a code yellow.”  
  
Dustin was first to respond. “Code yellow? What’s wrong Steve? Over.”  
  
Steve smirked and then frowned. “Wait you guys actually have a code yellow?”  
  
“Yes, non-immediate emergency, but could deteriorate to red very quickly.” Mike jumped in, his eye roll audible.  
  
“Whatever, if you can get yourselves to Hopper’s place in 1 hour, we are having a party. I’m going to get food. Over and out nerds.”  
  
Mike again. “You say over and out last you idiot.”  
  
“Over and out nerds, over and out.”  
  
\------

Steve hadn’t heard the rest of the radio chatter, he had an excuse to get moving and grabbed his wallet and keys to run to the grocery store to get some sugar filled treats and an assortment of oven cookable dinners. Within an hour of sending his transmission out, he had a house full of rowdy tweens, well they were proper teens now. That _was_ alarming.  
  
“Where’s Hop and El?” Max asked as she helped him get the food ready in the kitchen as the boys engaged in a rather animated argument about a guy named Tim Bumbadrill or something equally stupid.   
  
“Ah yeah, they moved out this morning. They’ve got a new place in town, up from Dustin actually.”  
Steve explained as he shoved a tray of chicken nuggets into the oven to avoid looking at his little sous chef.  
  
“So why are you here?” Max asked, but her tone betrayed that she already knew the real reason but was asking out of politeness.

“I live here. This is my house now.”  
  
Will had at some point quietly joined them and was following the conversation enough to feel bold enough to speak. “Why would you want to live here and not Loch Nora?”  
  
Steve really should have considered this conversation a possibility, and he wasn’t sure why he’d completely ignored the prospect of having to explain to the kids why he was the sole inhabitant of Hopper’s old home. And to make it even better all the little twerps were here listening in now.

“You know, it’s complicated being an adult.” He offered nonchalantly, throwing a bag of candy onto the table in the hopes of diverting some of their attention. “I had to move out of my parents, and Hop... he um offered to rent this place to me.”

That was mostly true, though he was living rent free, Hop had sorted the change of utility payments to Steve’s name, but other than that, he wasn’t paying a cent of rent. He looked at all the kids looking at him with a variety of expressions, and none of them filled Steve with much confidence. Maybe a change of topic was in order. “Anyway, did you bring a game that I can join in with without wanting to chew my own eyeballs out?” He asked, leading the way to the coffee table and throwing himself into the armchair Hop used to claim as his own.

\-----------  
  
As they were finishing up a game Steve actually knew the rules to, the sound of tyres on gravel alerted him to a car on the drive. He excused himself to head out and see who it was, probably Joyce collecting the rabble. He headed out with the intention of asking her in to wait for the kids but was surprised to see Hargrove stepping out of a car. Steve leaned against the front of the porch and watched as he shut the door.  
  
“New ride?” He called over as Billy approached the porch.

Billy flicked a look of disgust up at Steve but came up the stairs to lean over the edge beside the boy. “My dad’s.” He said, voice devoid of any readable emotion. Steve cracked his knuckles in front of himself and then pushed back to glance at the door as he hears shouts from inside.

“You not gonna storm in and demand Max comes home this instant?” Steve offered, nodding to the door as if in invitation.

Billy puffed out a breath, it wasn’t good enough to be a laugh, but it was humoured none the less. Steve, since spending time with Billy, had taken great pride in making the other boy laugh. Probably because he knew how awful it was to never feel like laughing, and partly because he felt responsible for helping Billy get back to who he was before.

Instead of an answer Hargrove just lit a cig and put it between his teeth.  
  
“Not inside.” Steve said.  
  
Billy flipped him a finger and made for the door anyway. Steve, adamant he’d get his way raised his voice some, “Hey! My house my rules.”  
  
Billy turned to look at him with a curious frown, “Whatever Stevie Boy.” He headed into the house with his smoke lit anyway.

On reflection, letting Billy lead the way back inside was maybe a mistake. Steve only realised this when he heard a commotion with a panicked edge, unlike the arguments over elves and shit he was used to. Various snippets of the kids outrage reaching him incomplete before he stepped in himself and drew silence just with his presence.  
  
“If you touch Lucas-“

“-Flayed!”  
  
“Steve! has he killed you?!”  
  
“Billy?!”  
  
“-with my bare hands!”

Steve stood with a forced look of humoured confusion on his face, a step behind Billy who was glaring daggers at each of the kids in turn.

“Okay, hi? Carry on.” Steve offered nonchalantly, waving vaguely at the game board, dropping himself into his chair and putting his legs up over the arm.  
  
Dustin seemed to be fretting most, he’d stood up to address Steve, who was feeling more kingly than ever on his throne. “That-“, a rather aggressive point, “is BILLY HARGROVE.” He yelled.  
  
Billy had moved into the room to stand behind Steve’s chair, an act that was intimidating the kids judging by their faces, but to Steve’s own alarm he knew as uneasiness in the other boy. Since when did Steve HARRINGTON, understand the actions and feelings of Billy FUCKING Hargrove?

Hargrove however answered on Steve’s behalf, “He knows who am I fuckface, we were in the same grade at school you know?” He sniped, vitriol rolling off his words towards Dustin, actually forceful enough to knock him back a step.  
  
“Ugh Billy just go wait outside.” Max threw in to try and diffuse the situation.

Steve watched the kids, and actually enjoyed making them feel uncomfortable, it was his own way of getting back for all the pranks. “My house my rules” he said not for the first time. “Billy can wait here while you finish the last round.”

Steve looked up to Billy and was surprised to see surprise, he guessed that was the nature of surprise though. Mike’s voice brought him back to the room.  
  
“Inside?!” He scoffed, incredulity dripping from him, making a puddle on the floor.

Billy shrugged, “I’ll be in the car, no more than 20 minutes Max.” His voice was flat, completely unreadable to either the kids or Steve as he made himself scarce, slamming the door closed behind himself.  
  
All faces turned up to Steve, who pinned them all with a glare. “Nice guys, real nice.” He snapped gently, gesturing to the game to suggest they go back to what they did best.

20 minutes later of careful conversation and averted gazes, the kids had finished their game and thanked Steve, heading out to where Mrs Byers had pulled up behind Billy. Steve walked Max to her brother waiting in his father’s car, Billy opened the passenger door from inside, the seethe radiating off him.  
  
Steve cleared his voice, “Um, I’m watching El here tomorrow if you wanted to come hang Max?”  
  
“That would be nice” She glanced to Billy, sitting herself in the passenger seat. “Can you bring me Billy or are you busy?”  
  
Billy rolled his eyes but Steve was talking before he could say no to his sister. “You’re welcome too Hargrove if you want lunch here? If you’re busy, I’ll pick Max up at 11:30.” He added on quickly.

Hargrove seemed to be having some battle with himself, but he looked to Max, a conversation happening there that Steve wasn’t privy to. “Yeah I’ll come see Eleven.” He replied, turning up the radio to an ungodly volume and spinning off the drive in reverse without another word.  
  
“Yeah cool, see you tomorrow.” Steve said to himself stupidly, waving his arms in frustration as he watched his cabin become silent again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've accidentally started another fic. So if you're liking this, you might like that too. It's only going to be 5 chapters, it's a different exploration into post-starcourt Billy. On my page, The Loudest Minds, if you're interested.
> 
> Thanks for following this story to chapter 9! I hope you're enjoying it! If you are, please leave me a comment to raise my self-esteem and cause me to smile stupidly when I see ao3 have emailed me lol.
> 
> Much Love, H


	10. Sometimes You’re Better Off Dead

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “You lose the rock and roll nature of your gay record collection by alphabetising it, Steve.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have no excuse for the delay, if you noticed it, I'm sorry! If you didn't, what delay...?
> 
> CW: discussion of suicidal ideas

Steve didn’t sleep. Not that that was unusual for him anymore, he got through on sugar and coffee, putting up a good act of being totally well adjusted. In reality he was still slowly spiralling into a simultaneously numb and overwhelming existence. He felt nothing at all, or he felt everything at once, and both _hurt._

He’d spent the night moving boxes of his stuff from the outhouse and into the lounge, stacking them up with the intention of opening them all and getting the cabin to something like home as soon as he could. What had actually happened is that once the boxes were inside the house, he’d flopped onto the sofa to make himself intimately acquainted with the ceiling. He was so grateful Hopper had left most of the furniture with him, yet the cabin still felt empty. There was a bed and a wardrobe in each of the 2 bedrooms, the sofa, armchair, TV and bookshelf were still in the lounge, and the table and chairs in the kitchen were still there too.

By the time Hopper dropped El off that morning, Steve had showered and got his brain on for the day, his smile holding his fucked insides where they should be. El spent the morning going through a box of books and arranging them for him on the bookshelf in colour order. She read the titles of each and asked Steve what they were all about, each and every one, even the bible he still had from his grandmother. That was an interesting conversation he hadn’t expected to have, how do you explain religion to a girl who grew up as a science experiment and had seen other worlds? Poorly, Steve thought of his own attempt.

Steve heard the familiar tyres on gravel of a car pulling up outside, and opened the door to let Max and Billy know they were welcome to let themselves in. As he glanced out he was surprised to see Billy’s car, and stepped out onto the porch to have a look. Max bounced out of the car, looking happier than Steve had seen her in a while.  
  
“Hey Steve, is El here already?”

“Yeah she is, I’ve just set up the SEGA to the TV if you and her want dibs on having a go.”   
  
Max’s mouth dropped before a small squeal escaped her. “YES!” She shouted, vibrating on the spot.  
  
Steve laughed, “Feel free to lord it over your boyfriends, I’d really enjoy that.” He nodded her into the house and there was excited chatter between the girls. If Steve had been told a couple of years ago he would be living in a shack in the woods babysitting two teenage girls and hanging with his biggest school rival he would have laughed you out of town, but now he found himself here he wasn’t mad. He was satisfied that he wasn’t the asshole he was, yeah he had a lot to be unhappy about, but he was so glad he wasn’t who he was.

“She’s looking good.” He smirked at Billy as he pulled himself up the steps to the house, using the handrail more heavily than Steve would have expected.

Billy joined him as he had the evening prior, pulling his cigs out and offering the box to Steve, Steve took one, hands catching Billy’s as he fished for a smoke in the box. “What do you think of the colour?”   
  
“Black?” Steve asked, though he instantly thought it was a stupid question as he let Billy light the smoke in his mouth. “It’s smart. Goes with your soooul.” He joked, gaining an eyeroll from the other guy. Steve had been a little worried as soon as it was out of his mouth, but when he saw the joke was received as such he lightened a little.

Billy hadn’t looked at Steve properly since arriving, and Steve could feel a cloud of something following the boy, waiting to be said, but demanding not to be. The weight of that dilemma touched Steve and he turned to properly look at Billy, wincing when he saw a fresh cut on his eyebrow. Billy couldn’t avoid Steve’s gaze forever, turning himself to fully face him, locking their eyes together in the dare of conversation. Steve was first to snap it off, shaking his head.

“Who did that?” He asked quietly, frown burrowing gradually on his own brow, hand reaching up as if he was going to touch the bruise before he through better of it and dropped his hand down again.

Billy shrugged, leaning back on the porch rail to look out towards the trees. “Max said you were sporting your own about a week ago.” He said.   
  
Steve took a long drag from his cigarette before leaning next to Hargrove, pressing their shoulders together, directing his own gaze outwards towards where Billy’s was out in the woods. He let the weight of what those words meant without Billy actually needing to tell him anything, pushing out a sigh. “Yeah, okay. You got me there. We should start a bad dad club.” He joked, though no humour made it out of his mouth and it made the words deeply sad.   
  
A silence stretched between them, Steve wanted to fill it with jest, but could feel Billy working through something he wanted to verbalise. It came eventually, as Billy dropped his cig butt and stepped on it to put out the light. “Why did you ask me here too?”   
  
Steve leaned his elbows down to touch the banister he was leaning on, dropping his head to his arms to look up at Billy’s face, from that angle it seemed so much less harsh, the scorn was above the view, and Steve just saw a normal, but genuinely sad person.   
  
Steve let out a huff, amazed at how comfortable he was with this gentler version of Hargrove. “Look, I know the other night you said we weren’t cool. But with everything that’s happened, I’d be cool with being cool with you, if you were cool with that?” He finished, stumbling over his own stupid words, closing his eyes so he didn’t have to see Billy mock him.

“Eloquent as always, Harrington.” Billy snarked, but Steve could hear the laughter hidden beneath it. Steve groaned and rolled his eyes but just pushed himself off the banister to go inside, stubbing his cig in an ashtray by the door before going in.

\---  
  
Lunch was strangely comfortable, even squashed around the table. El spent time telling Billy about the bible, much to Max and Steve’s entertainment. Max explained her game tactics for beating Steve’s high score on Pit Pot and Billy ribbed him for being beaten by his kid sister. As Steve was clearing the dishes from the table, Billy sat leaned against the wall to watch lazily. El and Max were putting their shoes on by the door, as they opened it to head out Steve stepped over.  
  
“El-“   
  
“Not past the flag, I know.” She said, rolling her eyes.   
  
“Hey, I’m in charge here. If you get eaten by coyotes your old man will kill me.” He warned, waving a finger between both girls, Max nodded soberly but El grinned up at him.   
  
“We will be just on the drive!” She shouted, dragging Max out behind her.  
  
Steve turned back to the sink but caught Billy’s gaze, “Oh. What?” He asked, Harrington hands expressing his frustration that he knew what Billy was thinking with that stupid smirk.

“Never knew you were such a good nanny.”

“Oh fuck off.” Steve laughed, throwing his tea towel at Billy’s face, laughing harder when it actually landed there.  
  
\--

The girls came back in, with a shout of “Steve! We aren’t dead!” Which Steve imagined would be cute to anyone else but was alarmed that he was genuinely worried about that, and not irrationally so. A giant interdimensional monster had come into this world to get to El specifically, so it wasn’t out of the realm of possibility. Steve sat with that thought for a while, stopping his hands sorting through his records where he was sat on his bedroom floor. Billy Hargrove, who was currently sitting on his bed reading the lyrics of a few choice records, had tried to kill the closest thing he had to a sister. That guy there, had terrorized that little girl through there.   
  
Billy obviously noticed his pause, slapping him on the head with a Zeppelin sleeve. “Earth to Harrington, what’s going on down there?”

Steve blinked up to Billy, swatting a hand above his head in retaliation, so delayed Billy had already put the record down.   
  
“Why are you so gentle with El?” He asked.

Billy seemed slightly taken aback, moving some records aside so he could lie on his back across Steve’s bed, his left hand resting on his stomach as it did any time he was at rest. From what Steve had seen at the mall that night, he imagined that was where Billy had had most of his surgery done, it was a disgusting mess when Steve had grabbed Max and El to take them outside as the army moved in. He was curious to see what it looked like now, Billy had played skins at basketball enough times for Steve to be familiar with his body, not in a gay way or anything, but when you see someone without their clothes often enough, you know.

From the deliberate and laboured way Billy had been when Steve had seen him out of hospital this last week, he kind of inferred that he was still in a lot of discomfort from any fixing up the doctors had done for him, for the first time Steve made a mental note to keep this in mind when around him. He didn’t want to do him anymore damage by rough and tumble, nor making him do anything that could injure him further. But he also didn’t want to coddle the guy, he was a proud man and Steve knew that because he hadn’t mentioned it he was trying to put on at least some sort of front to portray normalcy. Steve was snapped out of his reverie by Billy’s voice, answering the question he seemingly asked hours ago.

“She saved my _life_.” Billy stated, dropping his head off the side of the bed to look at Steve, Steve looked back and gave him a face that said ‘yeah okay fair enough’. But Billy kept talking.  
  
“And even if I didn’t want it, she saved it. She’s put herself at risk for me, and I can’t repay that. But I can try to be different from how I _was_ , fuck Steve she was terrified of me when it was in me. She’s a _kid.”_  
  
Steve was surprised by his frankness, nodding and holding his gaze to show he respected Billy and his decision. “She asked me, a few days after Starcourt, to go visit you. You must have made an impression when she deemed you saveable that night.”

“I wish she didn’t.” Billy commented lightly before he realised what he said, putting his head back on the bed to look at the ceiling intently. Steve sat straighter but left his immediate response of ‘you don’t mean that’ inside his mouth, he did mean it, that’s why he’d said it. Steve couldn’t blame him, he’d felt similar in the immediate days after the torture really laid him up, not just physically, but the mental weight of it often seemed unbearable. So he gave an answer that he’d had chance to think about.   
  
“I get that mate.”

Billy closed his eyes, Steve watched him for a moment before he felt like he was intruding. He laid so still that Steve was worried he’d said the wrong thing, unsure how to fix that he reached out to one of Billy’s ankles hanging off the bed and squeezed gently before turning his attention back to the records in his lap. Billy’s breaths were coming deep and fast, as if he was trying to breathe away the tears welling in his eyes. Steve knew Billy was crying, he’d done the same quiet cry many times in his own bed at home, and if it were one of the kids he’d scoop them up and stroke their hair until they calmed down. But when Billy Hargrove is laying on your bed pretending he’s not crying, that’s a different matter, and Steve felt it best to also pretend.

After a while of Steve quietly sorting through his records, he heard Billy stand to put one on the turntable. Soft Cell’s Frustration rang out gently to fill the silence. On reflection Billy should have maybe skipped to the next track as he remembered just how that song went. “I, I, I, I wanna die….”  
  
“You’re _really_ into British Synth huh Steve?” He commented lightly, sitting back on the bed to read the inner sleeve of the record playing, a different person from the one who’d stood up from that spot.

“It’s always playing in the record shop in Indy when I go into the city, I like it.” He shrugged, sorting out some country and western, in stark contrast to what was currently playing.

Billy smirked, his tongue finding his teeth to tease Steve. “I just didn’t pin you as the kind of guy who was into gay music. I thought you’d like Springsteen and all that normal man stuff”.  
  
Steve stood with a handful of records to put on a higher shelf, feeling Billy’s eyes on his back. “Look if you tell me Soft Cell are gay, I’m gonna be _so_ angry with you.” He said jokingly, spinning to frown in mock irritation at Billy.

Billy leaned back on his hand, the tease on his face infuriating to Steve, but lighting some warmth in his middle too, to see Billy enjoying something after whatever had just happened, even if that meant he was the butt of the joke settled some of Steve’s anxiety.

“I’m sorry Pretty Boy, but they’re suuuuper homo.”   
  
“Fuck off!” Steve groaned, dropping the rest of the records in his hand to step over and push at Billy’s knee, sending him toppling over onto his bed with a deep rumble of a laugh.

  
“I’m sorry Stevie, but it is my responsibility to make sure you know just how _gay_ your music taste is.” He laughed as Steve lost his balance and tumbled towards him, catching himself on his hand beside Billy’s head, their faces millimetres apart.   
  
“And how would you know? Is your music taste gay too?” Steve teased. He kept Billy’s gaze from the few centimetres above him a beat too long before pushing himself back to go back to his shelves.   
  
Billy was glad Steve’s back was turned because the flush that went up his neck to make his cheeks pink was sooo not cool. He ran a hand over his face to try and wipe it away, his heart beating a million to one before he pushed himself gingerly to sit up again, watching Steve put his records in a painfully anal arrangement on the shelves.

“You lose the rock and roll nature of your gay record collection by alphabetising it, Steve.” He commented, gaining him a playful glower.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for sticking with this!  
> I've been feeling a bit stuck, I wrote The Loudest Minds and felt so happy with that compared to this rambling mess. But I'm going to keep posting the chapters I've written while going back over everything.   
> I have an idea for where I want it to go, just depends how quickly we get there.
> 
> I'm back at work after 5 months furlough, and tbh it's messing with my melon man. 
> 
> Love always, H


	11. The Kind of Eyes that Hypnotize Me Through

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Robin it is 8:30, I am in a deep depression and I do NOT want to come to some lesbian bop with you, I have not changed my mind.” Steve whined down the phone, slouching as low down the wall as the cord would let him.
> 
> “It’s Billy.” Came the quiet answer on the end of the line, Steve straightened up instantly, wondering what Billy wanted at this time on a Saturday night.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm back.  
> thanks for being here!   
> I'm constantly impressed that people are reading this, go you!
> 
> title lyric: I Ran, A flock of seagulls.

Another week passed, Steve went through the motions of his life now: wake up, work, come home, sometimes drive Dustin around, Byers dinner on Thursday, go to bed, don’t sleep, start over. He hadn’t seen Billy since the weekend previous, Steve realised that now Billy had his car back he wouldn’t need to be nice to Steve to get out of the house. Weirdly Steve found that thought press at his chest, he’d just got used to whatever it was they were doing. 6 weeks ago Steve wouldn’t have even given Hargrove the time of day, and now they were sharing big fears about life and death.

Steve made a note to see if Max wanted to come over at some point so he could catch up with Billy. He was annoyed at himself for feeling like he needed an excuse to hang out with him. But other than Robin, Steve really didn’t have anyone else he felt like he could talk to properly, and boys talk differently anyway. Robin could banter better than a lot of Steve’s high school friends could, but there was something different about the crack boys could throw.

All of this was taking up Steve’s brain space as he drove over to Hopper and El’s new gaff. It was the second time he’d been, the first was because he was in town and didn’t want to drive after being at work for too many hours to think about, and he also just kind of wanted the company for a change. Today he was only staying for lunch, he was forcing himself to get better at being on his own in the new house. Being on his own in Loch Nora was easy, he was always alone in Loch Nora. But being alone in the house he’d called home for a couple of weeks with a family living in it, it was hard to adjust to the emptiness of that same space that had felt like home.

\--  
  
“Mac and Cheese.” Said El as she opened the door.

Steve grinned down at her, stepping into the house behind her. “That’s my favourite you know?”   
  
“I know.” She bounced off to the kitchen, sitting herself at the dinner table to continue what looked like schoolwork. That girl was too keen to get into school with her friends, she was past the point where Steve could easily help her with maths problems without sitting down to think about it, and he felt warm knowing she was on the path to being as smart as her nerdy pals.

“Hey Hop.” Steve greeted, joining him at the stove to see what was going on.  
  
“Got your favourite on the menu, a Jim Special.” He said, motioning proudly to a mac and cheese that was looking quite good to say Hopper could barely manage toast when Steve had starting spending time with him the year before.   
  
“Please don’t ever say that again.” Steve laughed, leaning to dunk a finger in the cheese sauce to put in his mouth. “I’m impressed though chef!” He announced as Hopper swatted him out of the kitchen with his towel.   
  
“Even I think that is disgusting.” He threw over his shoulder as Steve plopped down with El. She was working on Geography, which was surprisingly one of Steve’s strong suits. He’d spent lots of time as a kid with an atlas looking at the world, seeing pictures of different parts of the world his parents visited on business, imaging life if he’d been born in Norway, or South Africa, or Tonga.

“I’m learning about India.” El smiled.   
  
“Oh cool,” Steve pulled her workbook closer to himself to see what she’d been learning, “Did you know India has the second biggest population in the world.” He read from the page, looking up to her with an approving look.  
  
“Yes, and people there don’t read the bible.” Steve was surprised how much that book had stuck with her but let her carry on excitedly. “They are hindu, and the god of the hindus is a blue elephant.” She said, flicking back a page in her textbook and thrusting it at Steve. “Elephants aren’t really blue.”

Hopper laughed from above Steve, ruffling El’s hair as he set the dish in the middle of the table. “No, they’re not blue, but some are patchwork.” He said, making Steve laugh and El look incredibly confused.

\----

After lunch, while Hopper tidied the dishes away, Steve stood at the end of the drive to watch El ride her new bike to Dustin’s. They were only about 8 houses down, but Hopper liked to make sure she was okay, and Steve offered because El desperately wanted to show off her new cycling skills. Dustin waved from the top of his drive, and when Steve was satisfied they were inside safely he padded back inside to join Hop.

Just before he dropped himself onto the couch Hop’s voice stopped him, “There’s some big boy drinks in the fridge if you want one.”   
  
Steve made an interested face at Hopper before smirking half of his mouth up into a smile. “Get me one too.” Hop laughed.

Steve returned with two bottles of beer, and this time sunk into the sofa with a satisfied sigh. He kicked his feet up on the coffee table and then remembered he wasn’t at home and glanced to Hop as he took them down slowly.   
  
“Leave them, I don’t mind.” Hopper replied, watching Steve’s feet return to the table without even touching the floor.   
  
“This place is good Hop, do you like it here?” Steve asked, looking around the lounge that was looking more homely than when he was last here.

“Yeah, El is safe. I’m closer to work so I can dip back if I need to, Mrs Henderson is _thrilled_ her Dustybun has another playmate so close.” Hopper rolled his eyes at that, but Steve knew that he was pleased about it, knowing where El was and that place being so close must be a relaxing thought for Hop.

Hopper changed the subject, “Anyway, what’s this El’s been telling me about Billy Hargrove at your place?”

It was Steve’s turn to roll his eyes, he’d enjoyed how much he felt like he’d had a family over lunch, but it was these parts of having a half-adopted dad that Steve would never get used to. He was used to going about his life privately, no parents to pry. He trod lightly, knowing Hopper wasn’t completely sold on Hargrove yet, even if he knew Steve had been hanging out with him over the past few weeks.

“Uh yeah, I invited Max over to hang with El. And I asked Billy if he wanted to come too.” He explained, taking a sip of his beer to direct his attention away from the scrutiny of Hopper.

“And he’s… okay?” Hopper asked. Steve knew he meant ‘and he’s not a raging psychopath who is trying to kill you or destroy my daughter’, but Steve couldn’t answer that because of course he wasn’t that anymore. Billy had the trauma trump card he was pretty sure. So Steve wilfully misunderstood when giving his answer.

“He’s still got a lot of injuries that bother him I think, he’s cut up about what he did to El when the flayer was in him.” Once he’d got started he didn’t know where to stop, it was as if he needed to get all of this off his own shoulders somewhat, needing to prove to Hopper how different Hargrove was. “He lay on my bed and cried, Hop. He basically said he would have been better off dead.” He finished with a rush, huffing out the rest of his breath and slouching deeper into the couch.

Hopper pinched the bridge of his nose and left silence to play the room before he found some words to speak with. “Steve, if you need anything. If Billy needs anything. I’m here.” He said, voice low and serious, Steve nodded and lifted his eyes to make contact with Hopper’s, understanding passing between them.

\-----------

Steve had spent the evening playing Hang On, the stupidest name for a motorcycle game he could ever imagine. But it was addictive and it sucked him in so deep that he didn’t have to think about anything other than hanging on. He’d hoped seeing Hop and El would make him feel better, but it somehow only served to make him feel miserable. It made him so aware of what he was missing, the loving banter, the unconditional love and support, a family. What Steve had actually spent the evening doing was moping. Until the phone rang. He let his motorcyclist fall off and watched him hit the barrier of the track before he got up to answer it, glancing at the clock. Okay so he’d somehow been doing that for 2 hours, wow.

“Robin it is 8:30, I am in a deep depression and I do NOT want to come to some lesbian bop with you, I have not changed my mind.” Steve whined down the phone, slouching as low down the wall as the cord would let him.

“It’s Billy.” Came the quiet answer on the end of the line, Steve straightened up instantly, wondering what Billy wanted at this time on a Saturday night.

“Oh, alright? Hi?” Steve stumbled.

“I was going to ask if you wanted to go play pool? But if you’re in a deep depression I’ll leave you to it.” He said, and Steve swore he sounded disappointed, but maybe he was angry at Steve for being such a let-down, but Steve hadn’t said no. He couldn’t face the idea of going out of the house, but also, he kinda wanted to hang out with Billy. Billy who knew what it was like to feel like so full, but only full of emptiness.

“What time?” Steve asked after a beat, ignoring Billy’s comment.  
  
“I’ve got my shoes on.” Billy replied, huffing a breath down the line.  
  
Steve waited for a moment, just relishing in the sound of the other teen breathing at the end of the line, he was alive, they both were. Fuck it, why not go play pool with Billy Hargrove.

“I’d best get some pants on then hadn’t I.” He quipped, hanging up the phone before Billy could reply.

Steve was leaning against his front door when Billy pulled up down the dark driveway, listening to the rain dripping down the overflowing gutter. He waited for Billy to pull up before making the dash to the passenger side, dropping himself into the seat in seconds to avoid his hair getting wet.   
  
“So where do you play pool in Hawkins?” Steve asked, sending a grin towards the other boy.  
  
“I was hoping you would know.” Billy replied, turning the engine off as he realised they might have to work out where they were going before setting off.

“Do you even _want_ to go play?” Steve asked, frowning slightly.   
  
“Not particularly.” Came the honest reply.  
  
“I’ve got pop tarts if you just want to hang out here?” Steve suggested, looking back towards the cabin through the rain dashed windscreen. Billy seemed like a 2d version of himself today, even in hospital Steve had found more character in him, the smirk, the put downs, but this flat version of Billy wasn’t one Steve had ever seen. It wasn’t even comparable to the Billy who talked him down from a panic attack or cried in his room. This was a completely inoffensive somebody whom he found himself with.

“Yeah, whatever.” Billy shrugged his reply and that sealed it for Steve, tonight wasn’t a going out night anyway, he wasn’t sure Billy was really up for it, and he definitely wasn’t. He jumped back out of the car and sprinted back inside, ducking into his room to grab some sweats to change into if they were going to be in the house. Steve might enjoy tight jeans as much as the next guy, but he believed in comfort in his own home.

“What’s this about, Pretty Boy?” Billy asked as Steve came back into the room, gesturing to the idling selection page of the SEGA from where Steve had left it 20 minutes ago.

“Hang on.” Steve said, heading to the kitchen to grab a box of pop tarts, throwing himself down on the sofa beside Billy.  
  
“So?” Billy asked.

“So what?” Steve asked, offering the box to Billy.  
  
Billy rolled his eyes, taking a pop tart and gesturing to the TV with it. “What’s this?”  
  
Steve laughed then, a big laugh that wasn’t directed at Billy, but judging by the frown creasing his brow and the shove Steve received he thought it was. “It’s called Hang On. You’re on a bike, and you have to… hang on.” Steve replied, playfully shoving Billy back.

“Sounds thrilling.” Billy deadpanned, reaching for a set of controls. “Can we hang on together?” He asked, scrolling through the settings with one hand, his pop tart taking precedence in his other.

“Yeah here.” Steve said, grabbing the other controller and making the right selections.

\---

A couple hours passed easily, the rain pattered gently at the roof and windows, the boys played Hang On competitively for a while before Billy gave up and lounged himself across the sofa to watch Steve scream at the TV as he played Bank Panic solo. Billy spend almost as much time watching Steve as he did the game, enjoying seeing him get riled up by how badly his bank heist was going.

Steve felt so much better than he had done a few hours prior, having someone to do nothing much with was a more comfortable feeling than doing it alone. He’d noticed Billy’s feet pressing at his thigh gently as the guy tried to basically make himself horizontal on his half of the sofa. He found himself thinking about that more deeply than he probably should have. Other than a few hugs from Mrs Byers and Hopper, some fist bumps with the kids now and then, Billy was somehow the person who he was most comfortable with. He hated being touched, but the gentle weight pushing at his thigh was reassuring and he realised that without either of them meaning to, Billy was the only person he allowed to touch him casually.

“You know, other than Robin who was kidnapped with me, you’re my only friend.” He said absently, eyes focussing on the game in front of him.

“Friend.” Billy said as if trying out the word for the first time.  
  
Steve paused the game and looked at Billy with a funny look, “Yeah you know, people who like each other and spend time together socially??” He grabbed Billy’s feet, much to the other boy’s surprise and pushed them behind his back so Billy could stretch out. He shifted to face the other boy, swinging his own feet up onto Billy’s side of the sofa, so they were laying facing each other, feet squashed into each other’s space.

Billy gave a frown at Steve’s actions, surprised at his willingness to so comfortably lie there with most of his body touching his own, but he directed his frown to a quip instead. “I wasn’t aware you had the dictionary committed to memory, that’s very impressive.” He said with a mock awe, pulling an arm out from where he was going numb and resting it gently on top of Steve’s foot, slowly enough for him to pull it back, but he didn’t.

Steve only laughed at that, closing his eyes to settle comfortably. He couldn’t remember feeling this content in a long time, definitely not since he found out about the Upside Down that was for sure. He’d always felt a sense of impending doom since that night at the Byers when Jonathan and Nancy had pulled him into a world he wished he didn’t know about. But right here and now, squashed onto a sofa with Billy Hargrove, he felt more settled than ever.

“I’m really fucking glad you didn’t want to actually go play pool.” He murmured.

“Yeah, I…” Billy pushed a breath out, “Just needed an excuse to hang out I guess.”

Billy was absently squeezing Steve’s toes gently with his fingers when they both heard the crackle of Steve’s radio through from the bedroom.

Steve groaned and opened his eyes, pushing himself to sit up straighter, seeing if he could hear what was being said even from the other room. Turned out they could, because Mike was screaming down the line.   
  
“Code RED! I repeat Code RED!”  
  
Steve’s heart stopped, he pulled himself away from Billy and dashed to his room, grabbing the radio and a jacket and his bat before returning to the lounge with them all, dropping it all on the coffee table.  
  
Billy frowned, “Steve what the fuck?” He pushed himself to sit up on the sofa, in time to catch his shoes that were launched across the room towards him, Steve was back beside him tying his already.   
  
“Steve, tell me what’s going on?” He demanded, grabbing the other boys wrist, which was tugged away with a flinch.

Hopper’s voice was now echoing through the room before Steve could explain.  
  
“Harrington, I need you. Mr Hargrove is at my door.” Billy stood in a panic before he sat back down again, eyes looking to Steve to make sense of this for him, a whispered “what the fuck?” the only thing he could muster.

Steve’s blood had run cold, he reached out and grabbed Billy’s arm, his own panicked eyes meeting Billy’s.

“Harrington, come in!”   
  
Steve scrabbled to get the radio off the table, miraculously remembering his radio etiquette from his 2 hour lecture from Dustin.  
  
“Receiving over.” He replied down the line, pushing his hand down to actually hold Billy’s, something he would deny ever doing, even though this wasn’t the first time they’d held hands if he remembered rightly.

“What the fuck is going on Steve?” Billy ground out but didn’t make a move to let go of the Harrington gripping onto him for dear life.

Hopper’s voice had the answer for the both of them.

  
  
“Max and El are missing, suspected Mirkwood.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> OOOOh have I written a Cliffhanger?!  
> Sorry! 
> 
> Thanks for reading this far, I'm in a bit of a FUNK tbh, work is really fucking me over physically and mentally, so this is now on the backburner a little. Hopefully I'll get into the routine and work won't wipe me out like it is now and this will be finished soonish? xx
> 
> Let me know your thoughts below!   
> xxx


	12. You Told Me Not to Drive but I Made it Home Alive

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "“I’m scared.” He murmured, the perfect emotion for pushing all sorts of nonsense out of his mouth. “I’m glad you’re here.” Okay, that wasn’t that nonsensical, and it warmed his cheeks with a blush in the damp air."
> 
> Chapter Lyric: Billy Joel, You May be Right

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I can only apologise for writing a cliffhanger like that, then disappearing for 2 months. 
> 
> I hope this hits the spot for you!   
> And as always, my gratitude for your return here is immeasurable. Thank you.

Steve drove them in silence towards the edge of town where the Byer’s lived, Mirkwood as the kids called it. Billy was in the passenger seat bouncing his leg worriedly, Steve’s bat in one hand, secured between his feet, and a hunting knife from the shed in the other hand. Steve glanced towards his passenger as they passed 2 squad cars parked by the side of the road, spotting Hopper’s a few hundred feet up he carried on up to park behind.   
  
“Billy, you don’t have to do this if you don’t want to.” He offered quietly as they slowed down, headlights lighting Jonathan and Nancy in conversation with Hawkin’s Chief of Police.

Billy looked to Steve as if he’d grown a second head, “My sister is out there. I do.” He said through gritted teeth, the fear of it all somehow still filtering through with his declaration.

Steve turned the engine off, saving a minute before they got out to look at Billy, properly look. He wasn’t sure what he was looking for, he just knew he needed whatever it was as much as Billy did. He let out a sigh before speaking. “We stick together, yeah?”   
  
“Yeah.”  
  
Steve punched Billy’s arm lightly before reaching to take his bat and climbing out of the car, waiting for Billy to do the same before they approached Hopper together. Fear was beating itself around Steve’s body on the force of his adrenaline, so much that his ears felt like they were tuned to 4 separate radio stations at once. He could only imagine how Hop felt knowing his kid was out there somewhere.

\---

Flashlight in hand and Billy by his side, Steve made his was carefully through the woods towards the boundary of the lab as they’d been instructed to by Hopper only 10 minutes ago. Hopper was keeping his cool amazingly well considering everything, he’d managed to put together a good search line over a stretch of woods about a mile long from where Max’s bike had been found. Hopper was the next point of contact from him, 200 yards to his right, Jonathan and Nancy 200 yards the other way. Hopper had tuned his radio to the police’s channel so they could all stay in contact if they needed help quickly or they found the girls. Billy hadn’t said anything since he’d gotten out of the car, he’d nodded as Hopper gave instructions, pulled his mouth into a line when addressed directly and handed an emergency flare, but not uttered a word. Steve was starting to worry. As their torches swept a semicircle around them as they went, Steve glanced sideways.  
  
“You okay?” He whispered, unsure why, but not daring to tempt fate by raising his voice to talk freely.

Billy stepped into Steve’s space, pushing their arms together for a moment before stepping away so they were in a better position should anything appear before them. That told Steve everything he needed to know, but he still felt the need to get sound out in the air, mainly to keep himself from completely freaking out.

“I’m scared.” He murmured, the perfect emotion for pushing all sorts of nonsense out of his mouth. “I’m glad you’re here.” Okay, that wasn’t _that_ nonsensical, and it warmed his cheeks with a blush in the damp air. The rain has stopped in the couple hours the boys had been playing video games, but the ground was wet and threat of more hung thick in the air, not enough to be a fog, but threatening it at every turn.

“I’m glad you’re here too.” He heard come back to him, so quietly Steve wasn’t sure if Billy was right beside him anymore, he glanced to check. He was.

They carried on in silence for a few more minutes before a noise caught them both by surprise, a whooshing in the undergrowth to their right. Steve stopped; Billy stepped up to his side as they directed their attention to the direction where they’d heard it. They didn’t need to say anything, it was clear they’d both heard something. They stood listening intently for a long moment but nothing made a noise again. They set off walking again, closer than they had been. “Probably a rat or something.” Billy whispered, his eyes scanning across from left to right in an organised sweep of the area, Steve doing the same on his side.

The next noise that stopped them made fear prickle tears in Steve’s eyes, Billy’s hand grabbed his coat sleeve and made him jump. It was the scream of something completely unnatural but painfully familiar to him. “Fuck fuck fuck.” He whispered, bringing the circle of torchlight to sit directly in front of them, looking to Billy.  
  
“And what the fuck would that be?” He asked, his wavering voice giving him away.  
  
Steve watched and bit his bottom lip before answering. “Demodogs.” He replied before turning back to the mission they’d been set. “And El and Max are out here somewhere.” He whispered, putting a foot forward to carry on.

The sound his foot made could only be described as feet on jello, he pulled it back as quickly as he’d put it down, this time grabbing Billy and pushing him back. “Back, back, get away.” He said in a panic, shining the light on whatever he’d just stepped in.

As he was pushed back Billy stumbled back and had to right himself on a tree beside them, Steve’s attention fully given to the strange substance that he’d stepped in. “Steve.” He said with some alarm, drawing his attention.

When Steve turned his attention to Billy, his gaze immediately snapped to where Billy’s hand was stuck to the tree. But not stuck like a fly to glue, there were tiny wet vines wrapped around his fingers, keeping his hand where it had landed when he’d tripped.

“What the fuck.” Steve muttered as his wide eyes met Billy’s terrified ones opposite. He dropped his bat beside him and stepped forward, eyes not leaving Billy’s panic. The boys chest was rising and falling at an alarming rate, hand struggling for it’s freedom.

“It’s okay, you’re okay.” Steve said as he reached for Billy’s free hand, fingers walking down it until he felt the hunting knife they’d grabbed from the shed of Hop’s before setting out. Steve used his hand with the torch in to pull Billy away from the tree, as far as he could with his hand still attached. Once he was able again to shine a torch on his hand, he planned the cuts he would make, unsure of the reaction it would have so wanting to do it quickly.   
  
“Steve come on, please.” Billy almost begged, pulling it at his hand again but to no avail.

Steve nodded, meeting the boy’s eyes before talking with an authority he somehow only held in these life or death moments. “When I count to three, I’m gonna cut the vines off. I’ve seen them before, so we need to move. You grab the bat, I’ll light your way from behind.” He said quickly, punctuating his words with a meaningful look, turning back to the tree when he got an affirmative nodded to him.

Steve took a long steadying breath, stepping from Billy so he’d have enough room to get himself away once Steve committed to cutting. “Okay, 1…2…” He moved the knife to hover over the main vine, where the rest seemed to shoot off from to grab Billy’s fingers separately. “3”.

Steve drew the knife back and brought it down into the vine with a squelching blow, a screech coming from somewhere else in the forest, as if the vine was only an extension of a central body that was capable of verbalising the pain. Billy was away as soon as he was able, grabbing the bat from the floor as Steve had told him to, stepping back to the path they’d trampled through the undergrowth, breaths still coming way too fast for someone who hadn’t just ran a marathon.

Steve joined him almost immediately after, shining the light on the other boy’s hand, sliding the knife into his belt so he could reach to take it. “Show me.” He demanded anxiously, turning it over and over, searching for any damage.  
  
“Steve, hey. Stop. I’m fine okay.” Billy tried, watching Steve rile himself up. Steve wasn’t sure he’d ever felt so worried about another person in his life, especially over something so trivial. Sure he’d be terrified for his scoop troop weeks before, but that was rational and reasonable. Right now he felt that if Billy was hurt his own life would end.   
  
Steve nodded, letting Billy have his hand back, suck it up Harrington, there’s still 2 girls out here on their own. “Yeah, you sure you’re good?” He asked, and when he got a nod in return, a slightly incredulous rise of Billy’s eyebrows he felt satisfied they could carry on.

As they’d set off again, torchlight lighting their feet and path ahead, the radio on Steve’s belt crackled to life, Hopper’s voice bouncing between the trees.   
  
“Byers come in.”   
  
A pause.  
  
“Yes Chief?”   
  
“Anything your end?”

Jonathan’s voice came back a few seconds later, Billy a couple of steps ahead, Steve watching each move of his feet rather than his own. “Nothing at all. Heard that creepy sound though, did you get that?”  
  
Hopper again. “Yeah, keep your eyes out, if you see anything I wanna know.”   
  
The line went dead, Steve’s chest settled for a moment before Hopper was calling his name across the wavelengths.  
  
“Harrington, come in.”   
  


Steve stopped, “Billy hold up!” He called as he fumbled with the radio to unclip it with cold fingers from the back of his belt. He obviously wasn’t quick enough, because Hop’s voice was there again.   
  
“Harrington, Hargrove. Come. In.”   
  
Steve got the radio up into his hands with a bit of swearing and Billy taking the flashlight from him without asking.  
  
“Yeah, receiving.”  
  
“Anything?”  
  
“Just those vines, like from the tunnels.” He replied, “They’re on the floor but also up trees, had to cut Billy’s hand off.” He said in a hurry down the line. It was a big pause before Hopper’s voice came back. Billy was mouthing ‘cut my hand off?’ across from Steve with a confused frown.  
  
“If you see anything else, send up your flare. I’ll come.” He said decisively.  
  
“Roger.” Steve replied, waiting to see if there would be anything else. When there wasn’t he clipped the radio to the back of his jeans again and looked up to Billy who was waiting in front of him, torch shining on their feet to give them enough light to see one another by.

“Roger Red Leader.” Billy smirked, handing back the flashlight.   
  
Steve looked at him as if he’d spoken a different language, understanding from the look on Billy’s face he was being teased, but not being able to work out how or why, or indeed how Billy found the courage to joke at all. He shook his head and motioned for Billy to start walking again.   
  
“What are you talking about?” He asked.   
  
Billy audibly groaned, “Oh my god Steve Star Wars. You work in a film shop, and you’re telling me you’ve not seen Star Wars?” He asked.

Steve was have some weird de ja vu, he could have sworn he’d had this conversation more than once in his life. To his own surprise, and seemingly Billy’s as he turned around to glare at him, he laughed when he realised Hop was surprised he’d not seen Star Trek, the one with the ears.

Billy groaned again, pushing his hair behind his ear and focussing his eyes back to the path they were taking through the woods. “I swear if you’re about to have some sort of nervous breakdown, I’ll kill you myself Harrington.”

Steve laughed again, until a noise made the small drop of dopamine that had been dripping into his brain evaporate quicker than rain on a summer sidewalk. Billy stopped walking, Steve stepped into the back of him it was that abrupt, causing them both to stumble. “Fuck, sorry.” He muttered, ears straining to hear again.   
  
They waited, stock still before they could hear a crying whine somewhere up ahead of them. Steve shone the light that direction, stepping round Billy to lead carefully towards the sound.

Billy’s quiet voice pierced the quiet, the only sound accompanying the one they were inching towards. “Steve, I don’t think-“

“It could be them.” Steve snapped back, voice equally quiet. He pulled the knife out from his belt and turned to face Billy. “Here, swap.” He said, the same tone that had come out of him when getting Billy’s hand free. He lifted the knife to Billy, taking his bat in return, the weight familiar and weirdly comforting. He handed him the torch too before turning to step closer to the noise.   
  
He swallowed as they got close, following the light of where Billy was shining the torch to a fallen tree, the noise seemingly coming from behind it. He sucked another breath in before leaning over to look. Billy stayed a step back, knife and torch in hands, watching Steve but glancing to where he moving towards the noise warily.   
  
Billy shouted in surprise when Steve did the same, both taking a few steps back. “Fuck Steve, any need?” He snapped, frown pinned to Harrington’s head.  
  
“It’s a.. fuck a demodog.” He breathed, hand pressing to his chest as if that would keep the panic there instead of erupting out and taking all major organs with it.

“Is it alive?” Billy asked, stepping past Steve to take a look, obviously recognising the scale of the threat was small considering they weren’t sprinting back to the car. He leaned over the fallen tree and saw it. He’d seen some shit, but never anything like that. It was opening and closing it’s mouth with a whine each time, following Billy’s movements with it’s teeth, he didn’t see any eyes on the thing. It looked like it was on it’s way out, making no attempt to lunge for Billy as he peered closer.   
  
“Steve it’s trapped under the tree, this tree must have fallen?” He said with confusion in his voice, glancing back for the other boy, who stepped closer to dare another look.   
  
He shrugged his reply, unable to contain the emotions whipping his panic into an uncontainable frenzy, what if after what if spinning in his head, making any sensible thought have to wade through the sludge. “I don’t know, just put it out of it’s misery, if there’s one there could be more.” He said blankly, as if all capacity for emotion had slipped out when he’d jumped back.  
  
Billy did as Steve said, happy to stick it with his knife, feeling an ounce lighter knowing it couldn’t come bite him on the ass. Steve grabbed his hand as he returned to the path they were supposed to be taking towards the boundary fence, no shame in the fact that he needed to be holding on, all bravery slipping as the night around them darkened. Billy squeezed his hand, nodding before dropping his gaze to the path, taking Steve in hand with him.  
  
“I fucking hate this.” Steve muttered, eyes back to their sweep of his side of the forest, searching for anything out of place, and praying they’d eventually land on El and Max.

Billy pushed out a humoured breath through his nose. “Same.” He replied.

It was quiet for a long while after that, silence stretching before them and behind them, completely disorientating. It felt like they’d been out for hours and hours, when in reality it had been less than 1 full one. Though neither of them said anything about it, their hands remained firmly held in each other’s, not daring to be the one to let go, and fearing they’d miss it if they did.

The next sound that made them stop was 20 minutes on from the last time they’d stopped to listen and heard the squelching of the supernatural, and the dying of the demodog. Unlike those sounds, this one threw a different fear into Steve’s heart, he knew the voice calling out, it was Max. Max screaming for help through tears, Steve could _hear_ her tears. Billy squeezing his hand beside him hurt, but then the hand was gone. Steve panicked, if Billy went, that would leave him on his own, “Fuck, Billy Billy Billy!” He shouted an octave higher than he was ever sure he’d spoken with before, carrying enough panic to make the boy ahead stop from his Olympic record dash and wait for Steve before they carried on at a run.   
  
“Help!” Came the cry again, “Please! El, Help!”

Billy was a good 20 feet ahead of Steve, carried on a wave of adrenaline unmatched, he sent his own panicked voice out into the forest, the echo of it surely heard across all Indiana.  
  
“MAXINE!”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for coming back!   
> Leave my a comment so I know you're here, even if it's to say this is shit lol. I want to know!
> 
> My job and life has taken a weird turn. I don't feel like I have any down time at the moment. Between the boy I like taking me to the beach, redundancies, long hours, a physically and mentally draining job, an existential crisis, eating and sleeping much less than I should, I don't know where I'm supposed to fit in writing. I didn't even write this chapter, this was written in lockdown and this is the first spare 20 mins I've had in the last 2 months to get it posted. I'm so sorry. (this feels like an Overshare, I'm sorry!)
> 
> The next few chapters I have planned will get written, I promise that. When, I cannot promise anything, but it will happen. xx  
> Thank you again for your continued support, and if you've read this far through this note, I applaud you! Xxxxx


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